We're almost halfway through 2019. How the fark did that happen? I'm still writing "2018" on my checks, except that I don't write checks, because it's 2019.

Anyway, a couple of Farkers got listed three times in a row in their categories this week, and I swear I'm not playing favorites. It's due to all y'all's votes and all theirall's cleverness. Be sure to check out the FarkStaff Picks this week for a laugh, a tear, and a sore crotch - not necessarily in that order.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
HotWingConspiracy really enjoys videos of women eating photos of PewDiePie
Psychopusher suggested a new name for Boeing's troubled 737 Max
LewDux explained how a woman left behind on an Air Canada plane faced a 40 to 50 foot drop
HighlanderRPI extrapolated from the suggestion that aluminum in your deodorant can cause Alzheimer's
Benjimin_Dover was offended by the brouhaha caused by a "most annoying boy" trophy being given to a boy with autism
Heamer made a comment about the founder of the Biblical Flat Earth Society being arrested for child sexual exploitation
Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient discussed where the new reality show "Love Island" will be filmed
jbc thought that a NASCAR-sponsoring CEO of a group of RV dealerships chose the wrong flag
ecisouji had another name for Boeing's 737 Max
Dr.Fey used a silly Fark meme

Smart:
dugitman gave more information about a Catholic school that refused to fire a gay teacher
Loris questioned a police officer's story after he killed a man and wounded his parents
GardenWeasel summed up why a business owner was fighting so hard to be allowed to fly an oversized flag
Myrdinn guessed at why Jesuits tend to be different from other Catholics
spongeboob wondered if a giant flag lover loves his giant flag enough
LowbrowDeluxe answered how a man who threatened to kill every gay person he could would decide who's gay
Gyrfalcon explained why it's beneficial to have children with autism in mainstream classes
NewportBarGuy had something to say about people who are horny for the U.S. flag
khatores compared Jesuses
shaggai commented on the Archdiocese of Indianapolis breaking with a Jesuit school that refused to fire a teacher for being gay

12th Annual Father's Day thread: What would you say to your dad today if you could?
Smart:  Circusdog320 had a message for a father who showed how to love and support your children
Funny: Gulper Eel wanted to thank Dad and also offer him a little fashion advice

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 

Bonus FarkStaff Picks:
TWX thought that a town that was considering increasing size limits on flags sounded familiar
Cthulhu Theory learned how surprisingly tolerant Farkers are about what goes on between consenting adults
Mentat succinctly stated what happened when Harry Styles and Michelle Obama participated in a celebrity dodgeball game (and be sure to watch the video if you haven't seen it)
Notabunny told us about a woman who inspired a shy little girl by sharing an amazing story. Some Farkers in the thread knew who that woman was, and Notabunny used that information to contact her. Here's the followup.  Notabunny, please contact me when you have the ending to this story. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: generalDisdain had good news and bad news
Funny: steklo showed a familiar kid learning about Fark
Smart: libranoelrose gave legal advice for someone going through a divorce
Funny: meat0918 chose a first name that's a red flag when you're looking for a date
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain hopefully was listing things not to do on a date
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain translated a foster kitten's thoughts for us
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain was able to make out what a sign said for Smock Pot

Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to news that Alex Jones sent incriminating files to lawyers of people suing him
Miss5280 had an explanation for the huge mess Donald Trump supporters left behind after his rally
hubiestubert pointed out that Alex Jones' offer to pay to have a lawyer's head put on a pike was indeed compassionate
Cake Hunter translated the hidden message in Texas Senator John Cornyn's complaint about the state's growing Hispanic population
vudukungfu had a problem stemming from a Minnesotan's displeasure that refugees are coming from Somalia instead of Norway

Politics Smart:
somedude210 listed the stages of Russian interference in the 2016 election
Weaver95 predicted what the next White House press secretary's job will be like
Pavia_Resistance explained why Matt Gaetz didn't ask his colleagues which reporter was asking them if they hated Gaetz
Jake Havechek pointed out that more people died in the Holocaust than people seem to remember
Marcus Aurelius knew how to tell whether or not a cross is a religious symbol


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
verchad caught this child getting a bad review
hail2daking went for a flawless victory
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel found out what happens when seafood fights back
Alligator gave this kid a fever
hail2daking showed us some avian watersports
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a threatening fidget spinner
Yammering_Splat_Vector built the boat to use for a Fark cruise
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave an example of a fish cat, not to be confused with a catfish
Mojongo found that maybe Sonny Liston wasn't so hard to beat after all
RedZoneTuba showed how a child can beat an apparent giant

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 737: "Golly G" with Grandpa's gears

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Thursday, July 18: San Diego Fark Party - Hop-Con 7.0 & w00tstout release party with Drew

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, please use the Fark Party submission form.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)


Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2019-06-16 to Sat 2019-06-22:

Morsi has died. For those unfamiliar with the ousted Egyptian president, he used to need a job and then he found a job and heaven knows he was miserable then

Two arrested and four people seriously injured in shooting during Toronto Raptors Championship Parade. If it weren't for poor shooting and multiple injuries, they wouldn't be having a parade in the first place

I learned a thing or two from laundry don't you know. You better stay away from copperhead loads

Magician's body found. TA-DAA

Woman claims she was nearly hit by falling tree on golf course. Apparently, no one shouted 'FOREST'

NASA launches new missions to the sun. Don't worry, they are going at night

This story has it all: "Christian Fundamentalist," "Biblical Flat Earth Society," and "56 counts of child sexual exploitation," Okay, I could've lived without that last bit

Santa Anita Park might as well be sponsored by Elmer's at this point


Sports:

Finally, a MLB player has the skill (and courage) to expose the weakness of the shift

Johnny Manziel says he's still interested in the XFL. Although after playing in the NFL, CFL and AAF he has pretty much run through the entire alphabet

At least it wasn't his penis

First ever WTA meeting of Identical twins goes all the way to a third set tiebreaker. Fans puzzled how two opposing players could be so evenly matched


Geek:

Happy birthday to M. C. Escher. You submitted this with a more involved headline..enildaeh devlovni erom a htiw siht dettimbus uoY .rehcsE .C .M ot yadhtrib yppaH

Are we addicted to the 'like' button? You submitted this earlier from multiple links with better headlines

Astronomers see the "warm" glow of Uranus' rings. You submitted this after Hot Wing Wednesday

Narwhals, narwhals swimming in the ocean, boning some belugas, causing a commotion


Entertainment:

On this day in 2013, entertainment community shocked to learn that James Gandolfini had di

Hey, Harry Styles: It's "dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge." Nowhere in there does it say "jump"

It hasn't been his day, his week, his month or even his year


Politics:

Minnesota niiiiiiice

🎵  Wasting away, the moments that make America great. Fritter away the power in an offhand way-hey. Searching around for a great line with a lost mind🎵

Trump 2020 runs false ads on Facebook in clear violation of their ad rule. So Fark should run a false ad themselves and sue Facebook when they take it down. It'll shut down Facebook, pay for Fark for eternity or stop Trump ads. Everybody wins

Pete Buttigieg: "I would imagine we've probably had presidents who were gay, we just didn't know which ones." We're looking at YOU, James Buchanan

Second Amendment advocate pissed off about First Amendment realities

Nashville residents terribly upset that someone increased the font size on the footnotes

Angela Merkel is probably great at making martinis, terrible at stealing tambourines

Roy Moore announces campaign to re-elect Doug Jones

In case you were wondering what Jacob Wohl is up to these days, he's professing to be the "male sex symbol of right wing politics." And if that doesn't start you re-evaluating your life choices, Subby doesn't think anything else ever will

Jared Kushner's "deal of the century" Middle East plan includes a genuine, bona-fide, electrified high-speed rail. What about us Gaza slobs? You'll all be given cushy jobs. Is there a chance the track could bend? Not on your life, my Muslim friend


Business:

Mapping error in your favor, collect a few million dollars

♬♬ Love Slack, Baby, Love Slack ♬♬

South Australia is close to fully decriminalizing all work 'down under'


Discussion:

YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I ORDERED THE MSNBC DISCUSSION THREAD. It starts at 8PM ET

What's the worst thing you've woken up to? Probably not worse than a stray dog eating your testicle, but probably still bad


D'awww:

Rarely to the words "Cat placement game" arrange themselves in exactly that order. But they do in this game called, "Isle of Cats"

Dogs have evolved to con their way into the D'awww tab

Itty bitty tiny fruit eating German Shepard

It's perfectly fine to look for a quiet dog breed that won't bark too much. Because sometimes you want something other than a malamute


Food:

"Hey, when did very small rocks become part of the breakfast wrap?"

Ragu recalls thousands of sauces due to bonus plastic

How to cook the perfect steak (sometimes subby just wants to start a fight)

________________________ 

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