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(National Today)   A flea and a fly in a flue / Were imprisoned, so what could they do? / Said the fly, "let us flee" "Let us fly" said the flea. / So they flew through a flaw in the flue. Happy National Limerick Day   (nationaltoday.com) divider line
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    More: Spiffy, Poetry, National Limerick Day, Edward Lear, short poems, fine lines, English poet, definition limericks, pays homage  
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718 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 May 2021 at 9:20 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



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Winterlight [TotalFark]  
Smartest (6)   Funniest (12)  
2021-05-12 8:46:17 AM  
There once was a man from Nantucket...


...and I'll just show myself out.
 
Combustion [TotalFark]  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 9:09:15 AM  
It's "Were caught" because "were imprisoned" has too many syllables.
 
Winterlight [TotalFark]  
Smartest (5)   Funniest (4)  
2021-05-12 9:20:19 AM  

Combustion: It's "Were caught" because "were imprisoned" has too many syllables.


Yeah, what did Ogden Nash know about writing anyway?
 
HitAnyKey  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2021-05-12 9:23:40 AM  
Why do limericks always involve Nantucket?
 
OkieDookie  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (7)  
2021-05-12 9:25:11 AM  

HitAnyKey: Why do limericks always involve Nantucket?


Why be creative when you can fark it?
 
TheSwizz  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (14)  
2021-05-12 9:25:11 AM  

HitAnyKey: Why do limericks always involve Nantucket?


Anywhere else and you'll just sit there, broken hearted.
 
jakedata [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 9:25:18 AM  
Able was I ere I saw Elba.
 
FrancoFile [TotalFark]  
Smartest (5)   Funniest (35)  
2021-05-12 9:25:58 AM  
There once was a man from Kentucky
His website was sometimes quite sucky
He blamed it on booze
Because it's not news
It's Fark, and the Food tab is yucky.
 
mike4688  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2021-05-12 9:27:43 AM  
Does the nation need a day for everything? Can't we just enjoy things on their own with out having a day for it?

So anyways...

There once was a man from Capri, who tried to piss up a tree, but the wind it blew, in his eyes it flew, and now the poor farker can't see.
 
TaDu [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (4)  
2021-05-12 9:28:05 AM  

HitAnyKey: Why do limericks always involve Nantucket?


because if you don't like it, you can **** it!
 
HitAnyKey  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 9:29:14 AM  

Winterlight: There once was a man from Nantucket...


...and I'll just show myself out.


Who got his foot stuck in a bucket...
 
HitAnyKey  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 9:33:03 AM  

HitAnyKey: Winterlight: There once was a man from Nantucket...


...and I'll just show myself out.

Who got his foot stuck in a bucket...


He rolled down the hill
With his voice in a shrill...
 
CaptainSpaceJohnny [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (17)  
2021-05-12 9:34:21 AM  
There once was a man from Bass
Whose balls were made of spun glass
When they tinkled together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass
 
MBooda  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (10)  
2021-05-12 9:34:46 AM  
A lovely young lady from Dallas
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Gonzales.

/cleanest one I know
 
Pants full of macaroni!! [BareFark]  
Smartest (20)   Funniest (8)  
2021-05-12 9:35:36 AM  
Here is my favorite limerick of all time, because it's ABOUT limericks (no idea who wrote it):

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical,
But the best ones I've seen
Very rarely are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
 
KingOfTown  
Smartest (6)   Funniest (20)  
2021-05-12 9:37:50 AM  
Pricipal was caught sayof
Allen's practice and Jim Mora's playoff
Gene Masseth mentions
And furry conventions
That's what this website is made of
 
Pants full of macaroni!! [BareFark]  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 9:38:08 AM  

Combustion: It's "Were caught" because "were imprisoned" has too many syllables.


Scansion trumps syllables.
 
eyebones  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (8)  
2021-05-12 9:39:36 AM  
For this I make no apology
Our leaders are not what they ought to be.
They blag all the time
About taxes and crime
But they're stumped on epidemiology
 
kolpanic  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (17)  
2021-05-12 9:39:59 AM  
There once was a filter that pwned
A comment, whose author was boned.
The author said, "Fark it!"
"I'll just use Nantarket."
And thus did the Farker atone.
 
KC Dutchman [TotalFark]  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (8)  
2021-05-12 9:47:20 AM  
The once was Rabbi from Peru
Who was giving his wife a good screw
His wife said: "Oy Vey!
If you keep up this way,
the Messiah will come before you!"
 
Harry Freakstorm  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2021-05-12 9:50:12 AM  
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I'm a bit of a shiat"
But look at the money I save

My FIL was named Dave and he liked to say this limerick anywhere it was inappropriate.
 
Camus' Ghost  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (7)  
2021-05-12 9:50:28 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

"Uhh... there once was a man from Venus, with a rocket ship for uh... wiener. Uh huh huh huh."
 
KingOfTown  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 9:50:42 AM  
Making a lim'rick acrostic
Admittedly can be exhaustic
Getting the right rhymes
And the syllable times
To make fun of those who are caustic
 
cnocnanrionnag [TotalFark]  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (22)  
2021-05-12 9:53:28 AM  
I wrote this one back in University in the 70's..

There once was a poet named Clark
Who wrote sonnets all day in the park.
For meter and diction
He showed predilection,
But he had his troubles with rhyme.
 
Lillya  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (5)  
2021-05-12 9:56:50 AM  
In the garden of eden lay Adam
Complacently stroking his madam
Oh great was his mirth
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls
And he had em
 
DadHep  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2021-05-12 9:57:39 AM  
a lass on one of her larks
said it is more fun indoors than in parks
you feel more at ease
your ass does not freeze
and rangers don't make snide remarks
 
Porkbelly  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 9:59:12 AM  

Winterlight: Combustion: It's "Were caught" because "were imprisoned" has too many syllables.

Yeah, what did Ogden Nash know about writing anyway?


Yep
Adam
Had'm
 
EL EM  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (5)  
2021-05-12 10:11:24 AM  
There once was a woman from Sheba
She fell in love with an amoeba
This odd blob of jelly
Would lie on her belly
And blissfully murmur "Ich Liebe"
 
Driedsponge [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 10:11:45 AM  
I feel this thread is regressing
to something that could be depressing
Please keep it clean
and don't make a scene
or you'll all face a permanent banning.

/got nothin'
 
Groupon boob job [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2021-05-12 10:12:54 AM  
There once was a Scotsman on fark
His sporran was used to hold snark
But due to their filter
He's been knocked off-KILTer
And exposed what should have been dark
 
bearded clamorer [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2021-05-12 10:16:04 AM  
There was a young gal from Koblenz
The size of whose breasts was immense
One day playing soccer
She sprung her left knocker
And kicked it right over the fence
 
xanadian [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (4)  
2021-05-12 10:16:18 AM  

CaptainSpaceJohnny: There once was a man from Bass
Whose balls were made of spun glass
When they tinkled together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass


The version my father taught me:

There once was a gal from Madras
whose tits were made out of brass
When they clanged together
they played Stormy Weather
And lightning shot out of her ass

/equal opportunity limericks
 
Kriggerel  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 10:18:29 AM  
Watch out for the veesta

"Oh no no no no
not the veesta!"
 
OkieDookie  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (6)  
2021-05-12 10:21:29 AM  
There once was an asshole from Boston,
And the rest of this limerick would be redundant.
 
ocendot  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (4)  
2021-05-12 10:26:19 AM  
There once was a man from Peru
who was napping in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke with a handful of goo.

There once was a lady from Wheeling
who'd get a particular feeling
she'd lay on her back
and play with her crack
and piss all over the ceiling
 
cakeman [TotalFark]  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (7)  
2021-05-12 10:46:56 AM  
There was a young girl who begat , three children named Nat, Pat, and Tat. It was fun in the breeding but hell in the feeding when she found there was no Tit for Tat.
 
Bermuda59 [TotalFark]  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 10:55:08 AM  

Winterlight: There once was a man from Nantucket...


...and I'll just show myself out.


The nation needs to a "Man from Nantucket" statue
 
OkieDookie  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (1)  
2021-05-12 10:58:49 AM  

Bermuda59: Winterlight: There once was a man from Nantucket...


...and I'll just show myself out.

The nation needs to a "Man from Nantucket" statue


John Ashcroft would just put drapes over it.
 
Weird Hal  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (3)  
2021-05-12 11:02:23 AM  

OkieDookie: Bermuda59: Winterlight: There once was a man from Nantucket...


...and I'll just show myself out.

The nation needs to a "Man from Nantucket" statue

John Ashcroft would just put drapes over it.


If the limericks are true he's gonna need a Christo calibre drape.
 
Slypork  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 11:04:56 AM  
My friend is a junior high math teacher and loved to present this to her class:

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.

She asked them to show her the formula for fun extra credit. She also would ask them to figure out how many drops of water were in Lake Michigan, how many standard LEGO bricks it would take to reach the moon, and others. This was all in the pre-internet days so it required the kids to do a little research and work. Can't do that kind of stuff nowadays because a 30 second Google search and you have the answer.
 
Billy Liar  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (9)  
2021-05-12 11:10:36 AM  
There once was a man
From Peru, whose lim'ricks all
Looked like haiku.  He

Said with a laugh, "I
Cut them in half; the pay is
Much better for two!"
 
zjoik  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2021-05-12 11:15:02 AM  
There once was a priest from old Hong Kong
Who thought that limericks were too awfully long.
 
TypoFlyspray  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 11:26:40 AM  

ocendot: There once was a man from Peru
who was napping in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke with a handful of goo.


George Clinton worked this into PFunk wants you to get Funked Up on the live Earth Tour album:
...a man from Peru/ Who went to sleep in his canoe/ He was dreaming of Venus.....
 
lymond01  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2021-05-12 11:29:59 AM  
From The Crown:

There once was a woman from Dallas.
She used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
and her arse at Buckingham Palace
 
TypoFlyspray  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2021-05-12 11:30:24 AM  
Off the top of my head...

There once lived a man named deGaulle
Whose schwantz was decidedly small,
It was too small for mice,
Though much too big for lice,
But mosquitoes, he buggered them all.
 
TypoFlyspray  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2021-05-12 11:31:10 AM  

lymond01: From The Crown:

There once was a woman from Dallas.
She used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
and her arse at Buckingham Palace


It's true: Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough.
 
The Envoy  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2021-05-12 11:32:06 AM  
There was a young lass from Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to make grist with
But Jack the miller's son
Laid her on her back
And united the organs they p*ssed with.
 
VigoDeCarpathia  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (7)  
2021-05-12 11:33:49 AM  
There once was a man from St. Paul
Who's cock was incredibly small
He climbed under a rug
And buggered a bug
And the bug didn't feel much at all

There once was a man from Bombay
Who modeled a coont it out of clay
But the heat from his prick
Turned it to brick
And wore all his foreskin away
 
zeroflight222  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 11:34:37 AM  
There was an old lady,
Who lived in a shoe.
She had so many kids,
Her uterus feel out. Oooooh!

/Andrew Dice Clay
 
Gin Buddy  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2021-05-12 11:47:47 AM  
I have no limerick of my own, I just wanted to say that the headline was awesome and I saved it.
 
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