Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(WCAX Vermont)   Protect purchases from porch pirates pilfering your precious personal packages   (wcax.com) divider line
    More: PSA, Copyright, All rights reserved, Electronic commerce, Police, Shipping, Gardener's Supply Company distribution center, Package, Online shopping  
•       •       •

2786 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Dec 2020 at 11:20 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



66 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-12-01 9:32:28 AM  
Thanks for the package protection pointers Peter Piper!
 
2020-12-01 9:54:07 AM  
Put out a decoy box and hide in the bushes with a rock salt shotgun.
 
bughunter  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (20)  
2020-12-01 11:24:33 AM  
Mail yourself a bobcat?
 
Marcos P  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 11:25:19 AM  
My neighbors and I all keep an eye on each other's porches. We got water in the area so people are always parking on the street to fish, so there's always activity.
 
2020-12-01 11:25:56 AM  
That's why I only order from companies that will ship to PO boxes.
 
Subtonic  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2020-12-01 11:26:43 AM  
I've got a decoy with about a month's worth of cat shiat in it.
 
2020-12-01 11:26:44 AM  
Have it sent to your PO Box address?
 
HFK  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 11:26:52 AM  
Peter Percival Patterson's Pet Pig Porky (2007 Remastered Version)
Youtube S0WCnvBqRfc
 
2020-12-01 11:27:24 AM  

NM Volunteer: That's why I only order from companies that will ship to PO boxes.


*tiny fist*
 
bughunter  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 11:27:51 AM  
Proactively prepare pooch poop packages:

Portland porch pirate gets a stinky surprise!
Youtube 6f8iQJQLbhw
 
2020-12-01 11:27:53 AM  
I'm using the "claymores and bouncing betty's" program for my protection.
 
nbt  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (2)  
2020-12-01 11:27:58 AM  
There was a crash in my back lane, and the car left abandoned.  Full of packages and an Amazon window sticker.  I figured some porch pirates were tailing the delivery driver until they realized that it was less work to take the car with the packages in it.  Next time, bring an accomplice who can drive.
 
2020-12-01 11:30:37 AM  

NM Volunteer: That's why I only order from companies that will ship to PO boxes.


Also, in case you were unaware, the Post Office offers "virtual addressing" for your PO Box, where you can basically (in a totally incorrect but at least gets the point across kind of way) use their address and your PO BOX as an "apartment number" to get stuff mailed even from places that don't accept PO Boxes for delivery.
 
2020-12-01 11:31:21 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Have it sent to your PO Box address?


Walgreens for Fedex. Ghetto ass Sav-a-lot have Amazon pick-ups. I seen gas stations with UPS pick-ups.
 
2020-12-01 11:37:28 AM  
I work from home, so when the dog barks because somebody came up on the deck to drop off a package I go out and get it.
 
isamudyson [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 11:37:59 AM  
One thing I learn last year: Don't trust the online delivery dates esp if it's says Monday. Last year I ordered a TV from Walmart on Black Friday as they had a nice Samsung for a really good price that was online only. It was shipped via FedEx and they said it would arrive on Monday. Monday comes and by late afternoon it still isn't there. So I go back online to see what is up. When I checked, it shows it was delivered on Sunday evening when I wasn't home as I was at a Toys for Tots event. I called up FedEx to biatch and asked WTF? They said they use the weekend to catch up on the holiday overflow and sometimes they end up dropping things off a day or two early. I filed a police report and after two days of arguing with them & Walmart, Walmart finally honored the online price "in store" as they had a stack of them at my local store for about $100 more than the special deal. It barely fit in my Focus but I got it home and its been great so far. Now I don't have anything delivered here as I have them dropped at my folks house as I am usually there during the day and if I'm not, they are and I won't have to worry about a repeat incident this year.

(In case someone says "why didn't you check online that Sunday?", I did just before I went to the charity event and it still was showing Monday, so I felt OK leaving to go to the charity event. They dropped it off about 30 minutes after I had gone.)
 
Izunbacol  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 11:44:06 AM  
This is one of those things where it just seems to happen so infrequently that you just don't worry about it.  It hasn't happened to me yet, and that's with decades of ordering stuff.  Perhaps one day it will, I'll be mildly annoyed, and get it replaced free of charge.

It's low incidence, low impact.  It just doesn't go very high on my "actively worry about this" list.  

Perhaps if I lived in the dense central part of a large city, but even the nice areas there are high crime (otherwise people wouldn't have steel cages over their doors with buzzer-locks, doormen to collect parcels, and iron bars over any ground level window).
 
2020-12-01 11:49:07 AM  

TheSteelCricket: I work from home, so when the dog barks because somebody came up on the deck to drop off a package I go out and get it.


Same, though my home office faces the street so I can hear the delivery truck when it stops in front of the house.
 
2020-12-01 11:51:50 AM  
shiat in a box, tape it up, leave on porch.
 
2020-12-01 11:53:30 AM  
If you don't want stuff stolen, you could move to my neighborhood and have my FedEx guy. The guy rings the bell at 7:15 AM, waits a millisecond, then gets back in his truck and takes off.
 
LarryDan43  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (4)  
2020-12-01 11:55:33 AM  
I've had a package sitting on my porch for 2 weeks now waiting to get someone on my camera taking it. I'm going to upload it right away to Nextdoor and the comments will roll in. I hope the person who finally steals it is black.
 
2020-12-01 11:56:21 AM  
I think some type of airbag with a bowl of wet, runny, gloppy, dog shiat all packaged to blow when its moved a slight bit would do the trick. You face is pretty much right over a package when you bend down to pick it up. I don't want the satisfaction of knowing they will go "Oh, you!" when they safely open my poop box.  I want them covered. Where I can see.
 
2020-12-01 11:57:07 AM  
porch pirates aren't a problem in my neighborhood. my problem is an idiot for a Mail Delivery person. i've had important mail disappear several times, along with two small packages that would easily fit in our mail box. i regularly get other folks mail and i've had to redeliver others peoples small packages.

WTF. if i go Karen at the post office i'm afraid it would get even worse. and if i was to bean the delivery guy with a 9 iron they'd call ME the bad guy. dammit all tahell.
 
2020-12-01 12:00:04 PM  

Por que tan serioso: I think some type of airbag with a bowl of wet, runny, gloppy, dog shiat all packaged to blow when its moved a slight bit would do the trick. You face is pretty much right over a package when you bend down to pick it up. I don't want the satisfaction of knowing they will go "Oh, you!" when they safely open my poop box.  I want them covered. Where I can see.


First off all, what are you feeding your dog that it has wet, runny, gloppy poop? Secondly, I am not going to handle dog poop to "get" some crook. And finally, I order so many things online I would mistakenly open said box and "get" myself.
 
Wendigogo [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 12:01:47 PM  

Por que tan serioso: I think some type of airbag with a bowl of wet, runny, gloppy, dog shiat all packaged to blow when its moved a slight bit would do the trick. You face is pretty much right over a package when you bend down to pick it up. I don't want the satisfaction of knowing they will go "Oh, you!" when they safely open my poop box.  I want them covered. Where I can see.


Yeah, but if it blows everywhere then you have dog shiat all over your porch to clean up. You also risk another delivery person accidentally getting sprayed if they happen to need to move your package to add another one. Better to have it spring loaded within the package so it pops out upon opening.
 
hi13760  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2020-12-01 12:05:31 PM  
Say does any know where I can buy some Thioacetone?  I need it for an experiment.
 
2020-12-01 12:15:08 PM  

TheSteelCricket: Por que tan serioso: I think some type of airbag with a bowl of wet, runny, gloppy, dog shiat all packaged to blow when its moved a slight bit would do the trick. You face is pretty much right over a package when you bend down to pick it up. I don't want the satisfaction of knowing they will go "Oh, you!" when they safely open my poop box.  I want them covered. Where I can see.

First off all, what are you feeding your dog that it has wet, runny, gloppy poop? Secondly, I am not going to handle dog poop to "get" some crook. And finally, I order so many things online I would mistakenly open said box and "get" myself.


Everyone in my neighborhood has cameras and knows each other.  A porch pirate would steal around here at their peril.
 
SquonkBot  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (1)  
2020-12-01 12:15:51 PM  
With more people ordering basics now...beyond gifts, etc...I wonder if someone wants to risk jail for stealing tee shirts and socks. Probably going to see a lot of "weird theft" news items in the coming weeks
 
2020-12-01 12:22:57 PM  

sinko swimo: porch pirates aren't a problem in my neighborhood. my problem is an idiot for a Mail Delivery person. i've had important mail disappear several times, along with two small packages that would easily fit in our mail box. i regularly get other folks mail and i've had to redeliver others peoples small packages.

WTF. if i go Karen at the post office i'm afraid it would get even worse. and if i was to bean the delivery guy with a 9 iron they'd call ME the bad guy. dammit all tahell.


I think I've told this one before but I once had a FedEx guy leave a cold-storage package on my front step, under a sign that reads clearly Please Use Other Door addressed to [correct house number] {street two away that in no way even slightly resembles mine} on a blazing hot August afternoon. I drove it to the correct recipient and it turned out to be his wife's insulin.

I suggested they have a talk with their supplier and let themhave a talk with FedEx.
 
2020-12-01 12:26:39 PM  
" I hears a porch pirate!"
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-01 12:26:40 PM  
Re-purpose your trunk monkey into a package monkey?

For the two people on earth who haven't seen it....
 
pointfdr  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 12:30:29 PM  
If we just allowed trespassing as a capitol offense we would not have this problem!
 
2020-12-01 12:34:48 PM  
I mounted this fully autonomous bad boy to my roof

Fark user imageView Full Size


I will admit that picking up all the dead squirrels, birds, deer and occasional child is a pain in the ass...
 
M-G  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (1)  
2020-12-01 12:54:22 PM  
It's cute that they think you can tell the carrier to leave the package elsewhere.  No way to do that with USPS.  UPS normally honors my preference to deliver to the deck in back.  FedEx _always_ ignores the instructions.
 
morg  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 12:57:40 PM  
Back in March I ordered a new passport and I pretty nervous about that. It finally came in late June or early July. More recently I've just been ordering paperback books which I'm hoping aren't as interesting to thieves.
 
2020-12-01 1:09:05 PM  

M-G: It's cute that they think you can tell the carrier to leave the package elsewhere.  No way to do that with USPS.  UPS normally honors my preference to deliver to the deck in back.  FedEx _always_ ignores the instructions.


I put signs up at my museum instructing FedEx on where to put packages.  FedEx ignored them.
 
Geotpf  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 1:20:48 PM  

nyseattitude: I mounted this fully autonomous bad boy to my roof

[Fark user image 425x264]

I will admit that picking up all the dead squirrels, birds, deer and occasional child is a pain in the ass...


Um, I think Iran has an arrest warrant in your name.
 
orbister  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 1:28:18 PM  
I think it's touchingly trust of Americans to have things dropped off on their porches. Here (UK) stuff is - or should be - always handed over in person.
 
12349876  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 1:37:12 PM  

orbister: I think it's touchingly trust of Americans to have things dropped off on their porches. Here (UK) stuff is - or should be - always handed over in person.


Does every household have a homemaker?  Or are all the deliveries in the evening?
 
vudukungfu [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2020-12-01 1:44:29 PM  
 

Private_Citizen: Thanks for the package protection pointers Peter Piper!


I ordered a peck of pickled peppers and the package never appeared.
 
2020-12-01 1:56:42 PM  

vudukungfu: Private_Citizen: Thanks for the package protection pointers Peter Piper!

I ordered a peck of pickled peppers and the package never appeared.


Pilfered Peppers? Perfidious purloiners probably.
 
2020-12-01 2:05:15 PM  
I order a wifi extender from Amazon and was expecting the usual two-three days to get it, shiat came like 10 minutes ago
 
2020-12-01 2:09:15 PM  
drjekel_mrhyde: I order a wifi extender from Amazon on cyber Monday and was expecting the usual two-three days to get it, shiat came like 10 minutes ago

FTFM
 
12349876  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 2:27:44 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: drjekel_mrhyde: I order a wifi extender from Amazon on cyber Monday and was expecting the usual two-three days to get it, shiat came like 10 minutes ago

FTFM


Amazon has been underpromising a lot since the pandemic.

I ordered 3 items on Thanksgiving, Amazon said Tuesday at checkout, I got 1 Sunday and 2 Monday.
 
2020-12-01 2:34:22 PM  

sinko swimo: porch pirates aren't a problem in my neighborhood. my problem is an idiot for a Mail Delivery person. i've had important mail disappear several times, along with two small packages that would easily fit in our mail box. i regularly get other folks mail and i've had to redeliver others peoples small packages.

WTF. if i go Karen at the post office i'm afraid it would get even worse. and if i was to bean the delivery guy with a 9 iron they'd call ME the bad guy. dammit all tahell.


No porch pirate problems here either it's the seasonal dregs FedEx & UPS hire.   A couple of years ago had a female temp squat up against the front bumper of the truck at night to take a piss. Left the wadded up napkins in front of the house.  Called FedEx to complain & never heard back.

Today for the 2nd time this week a UPS outfitted driver in a small SUV literally dropped a piece of electronics in the flower bed by the road.  Was too effing lazy to walk it to the door.  Earlier this week we found a mailer type pkg in the same bed.  Called UPS & the local facility called me back & said he was a seasonal temp & that wasn't acceptable.
 
Mellotiger  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 2:49:15 PM  

Fear the Clam: If you don't want stuff stolen, you could move to my neighborhood and have my FedEx guy. The guy rings the bell at 7:15 AM, waits a millisecond, then gets back in his truck and takes off.


That's how my rural postal carrier does here: jog up to the door, knock twice, jog back to the truck and haul ass. If I don't become aware of him before he knocks, I don't get my package that day. The last few weeks he's taken to showing up in the forty minute window between me leaving for work and my wife getting home. I've been waiting on a two day delivery for a week now...
 
orbister  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 2:52:24 PM  

12349876: orbister: I think it's touchingly trust of Americans to have things dropped off on their porches. Here (UK) stuff is - or should be - always handed over in person.

Does every household have a homemaker?  Or are all the deliveries in the evening?


If nobody is in they will give it to a neighbour, bring it back another time, keep it at a depot (typically after three failed deliveries) or you can nominate a safe place if no signature is required. Parcels are never routinely left in full view, or shouldn't be anyway.
 
vudukungfu [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 3:00:33 PM  

Private_Citizen: vudukungfu: Private_Citizen: Thanks for the package protection pointers Peter Piper!

I ordered a peck of pickled peppers and the package never appeared.

Pilfered Peppers? Perfidious purloiners probably.


Peckerheaded pricks, presumably.
 
Morchella  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2020-12-01 3:02:13 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Not too worried about porch pirates. Porch is a city block from the road.
 
Mellotiger  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2020-12-01 3:15:28 PM  

Morchella: [Fark user image image 800x525]

Not too worried about porch pirates. Porch is a city block from the road.


It cracks me up that you seem to be proud of living in a secluded spot, yet have repeatedly posted aerial shots of it. I mean, I get it, it's not like were going to figure out where it is from that pic, but it's just conceptually hilarious and it's happened at least twice in the last few days...I love it!
 
Displayed 50 of 66 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.