1. "Bowel movement — check backpack."
2. "Demi cut her hair today. I'm so sorry."
3. "He was drawing 'butts' during math instead of his actual assignment. He told me not to tell Nonna. He grabbed the paper and tried to crumble it up. Once he gave it back he told me, 'I only drew two butts.' He also announced he drew butts and showed the class."
4. "Amara has a worm in her pocket. She did not want to throw it away. I just wanted to give you a heads up."
5. "Please do not allow Keith to bring any live pets to school in the future..."
6. "Tried to kiss a girl in class/cafeteria."
7. "Danica let a friend smell her chapstick and the friend 'accidentally' took a bite. Sorry."
8. "Today Haiden had to be moved to the library for a time out. While there he ripped this book."
9. "During Math today Max was having a hard time following along. When I asked him why he wasn’t doing his work, Max responded, ‘Well, I’m just too good looking!’”
10. “Kimmy was very proud of her poem…but we’re going to try another one next week without the potty language.”
11. “When I was reading to the class, Tanner removed his shoe and sock and began playing with something. It was a dead lizard. I removed the sock — it smelled of dead things.”
12. "I spoke to Charlie about the King Cake incident today. He admitted to lying to you about it."
13. "Gabby did not like the Brie cheese, as soon as she opened it she started crying saying it smelled."
14. “[Your kid] and a few of his friends often make up characters, give them amusing names, and then have exciting adventures at playtimes. This in itself is an imaginative and creative pastime…however, it has come to our attention that one of the characters has the name ‘Wildo the Dildo.’”
This letter, that was sent home from school today, is the funniest thing I've ever read.
15. “Another student took her pencil and she referred to him as a ‘Hanzo Main.’ I have no idea what that means, however, it was clearly meant as an insult.”
16. "During math Aiden told another student he drew a boy with a penis, pooping... I explained that we don't need to talk about penises and pooping during math."
17. "Aysha had a tough day of listening at school. She ended up in the 'think about it chair 2x.'”
