Everything You Need To Know Before WrestleMania 39, Recapped By Someone Who Cares Way Too Much About This

All right, enough of my preamble. We have a lot to cover, so let's get started — in no particular order:

(*cue Then, Now, Together, Forever title card*)

Match Type:

Singles match for the United States championship

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Theory is the current United States champion. He's new blood who hopes to earn the respect he believes he's owed by defeating one of the best. Cena is a veteran who's tired of these damn kids dropping his damn name for damn attention, despite the fact that we can't even see him.

The unhinged answer: Starting all the way back in April 2022, these two were teasing a possible future confrontation via interactions on social media. It's been a slow, slow burn, baby. They then ran into each other for a brief moment when Cena returned to Raw in June 2022 to celebrate his 20th anniversary with the company. There were also various hints at a possible feud when interviewers questioned Theory about a possible match-up, and Theory became increasingly agitated at the lack of attention on his own abilities and accomplishments. 

This anger led Theory to confront Cena on Raw in March 2023, officially challenging him to a WrestleMania 39 match for the United States championship. While Cena initially turned the match down — repeatedly saying Theory "isn't ready" to face him and "hasn't earned" a match of that caliber — he eventually agreed with the support of the live audience behind him.

Match Type:

Non-championship singles match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Rollins does this full-time. He takes it seriously, it's his whole life...and Paul thinks he can just Buckshot Lariat his way into this world without earning his spot? Hard no.

The unhinged answer: This particular feud started when Paul returned as a surprise entrant in the 2023 men's Royal Rumble, where he and Ricochet had the spot of the match before Paul went on to eliminate Rollins. Rollins didn't appreciate this, and he expressed anger at Paul's sudden appearance in WWE. Paul continued to troll Rollins, culminating in Paul costing Rollins a win at the 2023 Elimination Chamber. The two have gone back and forth since, trading insults and stomps and hilariously edited FaceTime calls. 

Now, I'm a big Rollins fan. He's on my Mount Rushmore, and I feel the need to disclose this information upfront. But, the thing is...Paul is good at pro wrestling. Like, it's annoying how good he is. So this one will, indeed, be awesome.

Match Type:

Non-championship six-woman tag team match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: "Damage CTRL" — a faction consisting of Bayley, Iyo Sky, and Dakota Kai — have been terrorizing Lynch since their return at Summerslam in 2022, so Lynch enlisted the help of two Hall of Famers to take them on.

The unhinged answer: Lynch has been targeted by Damage CTRL since their debut at Summerslam in 2022 (a debut I missed because I was the one tasked with answering the door to get our pizza delivery. I will never forgive my friends). Their sudden appearance led to a face turn for Lynch, who was unfortunately forced to take time off after Summerslam due to an injury. Upon her return in November 2022, Lynch continued to face off with Damage CTRL during Survivor Series War Games, and in February 2023, she had a steel cage match on Raw against Bayley — Damage CTRL's de facto leader. 

During that match, Hall of Famer Lita returned to back Lynch and to ensure Kai and Sky didn't interfere. Lynch and Lita opted to team up and combine their forces for good, which resulted in them defeating Kai and Sky for their women's tag team championships — a match which saw Hall of Famer Trish Stratus also return in a similar vein to Lita (this time to keep Bayley from interfering). Stratus then announced she was coming out of in-ring retirement to even the odds: making it three-on-three for a match at WrestleMania 39.

Match Type:

Non-championship single's match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Because they're both real, real big.

The unhinged answer: The above seems like a joke, but it's absolutely not. Yes, there's an in-story reason for this: Lesnar competed against Bobby Lashley at Elimination Chamber, where he lost by disqualification due to a low blow. The following night, MVP — Lashley's former manager and Omos's current manager — called out Lesnar, saying he was disqualified on purpose in order to avoid a loss to Lashley. So, MVP used this to provoke Lesnar into accepting Omos's open challenge for a WrestleMania 39 match. 

But again — and I cannot stress this enough — this match mostly exists so we can see these two very big boys fight each other. To quote poet, prophet, and man I miss seeing on TV more than anyone or anything, Big E: "You want a great match? Bump that. I want to see two big men, with big chests, and big muscles bumping meat. ... You want your five-star matches? You want your 30-minute classics? Not me! Big meaty men slapping meat! That's what I want!"

Match Type:

Singles match for the SmackDown women's championship

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Ripley won the 2023 women's Royal Rumble, a prize which guarantees the winner a title opportunity in a match of her choosing at WrestleMania. She chose to challenge the SmackDown women's champion, Flair.

The unhinged answer: The Raw after her impressive showing at the 2023 Royal Rumble, Ripley quickly announced she'd already chosen her competitor for WrestleMania 39 in Flair. The two have a history, as this isn't their first rodeo together at WrestleMania. 

In 2020 at WrestleMania 36 in front of no audience in the quietest room of all time (seriously, why were those early pandemic matches the quietest thing in the world?!), these two put on one of the matches of the night, with Ripley — the NXT women's champion at the time — losing her title to Flair. Years have passed since then, and Ripley has worked her way up the roster, becoming a truly intimidating force to be reckoned with, and she's ready to face Flair again. However, the thing is, Flair is still Flair (aka a 14-time champion and one of the best to ever lace 'em up).

Match Type:

Singles match for the Raw women's championship

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Belair is the Raw women's champion, and the time has come to see if she's ready for Asuka.

The unhinged answer: Given that — as mentioned above — the 2023 Royal Rumble winner chose to face Flair, Belair was left without a challenger for her title at WrestleMania 39. This was rectified during Elimination Chamber, as it was advertised that the winner of the women's Elimination Chamber match would get to skip the line and be guaranteed a match against Belair at WrestleMania 39. Asuka came out of the Chamber on top, and thus a feud began brewing between the two in the weeks that followed. 

Now, Belair is one of the greatest athletes of our time. Period. End of sentence. This is her third WrestleMania, and she's won her matches at the last two she's competed in, meaning she has the opportunity to continue a streak here. That being said, Asuka is absolutely incredible in her own right, and she has a bit of a sour history with losing at WrestleMania (IYKYK). So, basically, even if Belair's winning streak ends after this match, at least I'll rest easy knowing her "having an absolute banger match at WrestleMania" streak is guaranteed to continue.

Match Type:

 A "Hell in a Cell" match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Two men who were formerly part of the same faction face off in a grudge match from Hell.

The unhinged answer: Bálor is the current leader of a spooky faction known as the "Judgment Day" — but he wasn't always their leader. Edge was the creator and previous leader before Bálor joined and led the group in a mutiny against him. They went on to terrorize both Edge and his wife, Beth Phoenix, even going so far as to violently incapacitate the latter during an "I Quit" match. But both being Judgment Day leaders isn't the only thing these two have in common: they both also have spooky alter egos. Edge was once a part of "The Brood," a faction of vampires — god, I love pro wrestling — and Bálor also possesses the powers of an entity known only as "The Demon." So, locking these two in a floor-to-ceiling cage should result in some serious chaos. 

Also, side note: I want Gangrel to show up so bad. I don't even care what he does. I just want him, his vampire teeth, and his blood chalice in Edge's corner (I understand that I can't have Christian. I accept that. But give me Gangrel). Like, if you're going to be The Brood, be The Brood, ya know?

Match Type:

Non-championship single's match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Son has fallen in with the wrong crowd and become a jerk. Dad has had enough. FIGHT!

The unhinged answer: The moment Dominik Mysterio joined WWE and formed a tag team with his iconic father, Rey Mysterio, everyone watching was like, "Cool, but when are they going to turn on each other and fight?" So, when Dominik did his inevitable heel turn in order to join the aforementioned spooky faction Judgment Day at Clash at the Castle, fans were counting the seconds until this match was announced. 

Since joining up with Judgment Day, Dominik has been a grade-A, sniveling jackass (and a hilarious one, at that. He's giving big Draco Malfoy energy). He and his buddies have been wreaking all kinds of havoc, but Rey has refused to engage with him, simply stating he "will not fight his own son." However, this noble stance quickly ended on a recent SmackDown, when Dominik decided to be a grade-A, sniveling jackass to the wrong person: his mother. Rey snapped, making good on the name of the show and smacking Dominik's butt right down before finally accepting his demand for a match at WrestleMania 39.

Match Type:

Fatal four-way tag team match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: There were various qualifying matches on Raw and SmackDown over the course of several weeks to narrow the field down to four of the best pair-ups.

The unhinged answer: TBH, it's basically just a big match with a bunch of really talented athletes who we all love but who aren't in any WrestleMania-worthy feuds at the moment. Matches like this are also a good opportunity for the brand to create new feuds between pairings that otherwise would have no reason to interact. And specific to this match, it's a chance for them to give Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler a strong showing, as they've sort of become the big bads of the women's division on SmackDown. 

That being said, I'm admittedly low-key rooting for Chelsea Green and Sonya Deville to do well. They were solely paired up as a tag team in-story because, and this is true: They keep terrorizing WWE official Adam Pearce with their ridiculous grievances. That's all. They keep complaining to this man, so he made them a tag team. Hilarious. Anyway, I hope they do well because a) these two are very fun, and b) I really want them to call themselves the "Complaints Department." Please? I'll buy the shirt, I promise.

Match Type:

Fatal four-way tag team match

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: It's the exact same thing as the above one, but for the gentlemen!

The unhinged answer: Again, see above for a deeper explanation because it's the exact same reasoning, and I love all of the team-ups here as well. I love that Ricochet looks like a smaller, Russian doll version of his partner, Braun Strowman. I love The Viking Raiders and their spooky new aesthetic. I love Otis's passion for modeling and Chad Gable's underrated offense in the Alpha Academy. I do, in fact, want the smoke alongside the Street Profits. I love them all!

Match Type:

Triple-threat match for the intercontinental championship

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: A qualifying match meant to decide who would face the intercontinental champion, Gunther, at WrestleMania 39 ended in an absurdly unlikely tie. When Gunther freaked out about only wanting to face one competitor, it backfired, and both men were added to the match, making it a triple threat.

The unhinged answer: A fatal five-way match occurred on SmackDown in early March in order to determine who would challenge for the intercontinental championship at WrestleMania 39. The match ended in a freak tie when IRL friends and onscreen frenemies McIntyre and Sheamus both pinned separate challengers at the exact same moment. The intercontinental champion, Gunther, repeatedly insisted that he would not face two challengers and that one would be named OR! ELSE! So a one-on-one match was held to decide a contender between the two; however, it ended in a no-contest after Gunther got involved in the match, leading aforementioned WWE official Adam Pearce to officially book the match as a triple threat. It's sure to be a banger, and it's my best friend's most anticipated match on the card (hi Jenn)!

Also, take a shot every time someone says, "Gunther doesn't even have to get pinned in order to lose his championship!" during this match, and you'll be dead within in three minutes.

Match Type:

Tag team match for the undisputed tag team championship

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Two former best friends who had fallen out over past transgressions reunited in order to take on the most dominant tag team in WWE right now.

The (EXTRA) unhinged answer: Y'all, there's admittedly a LOT going on storyline-wise in the last two matches I have for you (like, we're talking literal years of slow-burn storytelling), so I'm inevitably going to leave things out, but I promise I'm going to do my best:

Jey Uso and Jimmy Uso are twin brothers making up The Usos. The Usos are currently the undisputed tag team champions, holding both the tag team titles for Raw and SmackDown for a record-breaking combined reign of over 990 days at the time I'm writing this. They're also a part of "The Bloodline" faction alongside their younger brother, Solo Sikoa, and their cousin, the undisputed universal champion Roman Reigns (and don't worry, we'll get to him in a minute).

Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens are IRL friends and have been both the best of friends and the bitterest of enemies in storylines for years. However, when Zayn made a bid to join The Bloodline in 2022, Owens cut ties with him, warning him repeatedly that The Bloodline would manipulate him until he was no longer useful. 

Zayn remained a loyal member of The Bloodline for months, until he was faced with the task of brutally maiming Owens with a chair at the 2023 Royal Rumble to prove his allegiance to The Bloodline. Zayn instead turned on the faction, serving Reigns with a chair shot to the back, resulting in the pop heard around the world (seriously, the crowd screamed so loud, they peaked the mic). With this act, he effectively chose Owens over The Bloodline, and — after some will-they-won't-they on Raw and SmackDown — Owens and Zayn put their differences aside to join forces for one soul purpose: to destroy The Bloodline.

However, the deeper layer to all of this is the relationship that formed between Jey Uso and Zayn. When Zayn joined The Bloodline, Jey refused to accept him, even though his brothers and cousin already had, leading to some A+ acting segments within the group. Over time, Zayn earned Jey's trust and friendship through his actions, so his turn on The Bloodline affected Jey deeply, as — it's important to note — Jey was never a part of The Bloodline willingly. He was forced into the faction as a sort of indentured servant to his cousin after his loss in 2020 at Hell in a Cell (but that's a whole other recap). Zayn escaping the manipulative clutches of The Bloodline seemed to trigger something in Jey and created cracks in the otherwise dominant faction — a fact Zayn has repeatedly pointed out to both The Usos and Reigns.

Also, in case you can't tell by this Tolstoy novel-length explanation: this is by far my favorite thing going on not only in WWE, but on TV right now. In my very humble opinion, the storytelling happening between these four is some of the best TV out there at the moment, and it's easily my most anticipated match on the card. Like, I could write a college-level thesis just on this storyline, I love it so much. It's just very, very good.

And finally, our main event:

Match Type:

Singles match for the undisputed universal championship

Okay, But Why Are They Fighting, Though?

The short answer: Rhodes won the 2023 men's Royal Rumble, a prize which guarantees the winner a title opportunity in a match of his choosing at WrestleMania 39. Being that there's only one man holding both titles, Rhodes had no choice but to challenge Reigns — but that doesn't mean there isn't anything bubbling under the surface between these two.

The unhinged answer: As mentioned above, Reigns is the leader of The Bloodline faction and is the "undisputed universal champion." He hails from a long lineage of iconic pro wrestlers, including The Rock (his cousin). He has successfully defended both the WWE Championship (the men's world championship of Raw) and the WWE Universal Championship (the men's world championship of SmackDown) for, no exaggeration, 12 million years. Okay, a slight exaggeration, but I truly don't remember a time before Roman began his reign. He's held the universal championship since Payback in 2020. TWENTY. TWENTY. This man's universal championship title run has lasted longer than my last serious relationship.

Cody Rhodes has quite the history in WWE as well. He's a legacy pro wrestler (like Reigns) whose father, Dusty Rhodes, is a genuinely beloved figure in the business, despite never winning the WWE Championship. Rhodes worked with WWE from 2006 to 2016. Post 2016, he worked with several other promotions, most notably Ring of Honor, New Japan Pro Wrestling, and, of course, he helped create All Elite Wrestling in 2019 — the closest competition WWE has had for viewership in literal decades. But in true Game of Thrones-esque royal family drama fashion, Rhodes returned to the kingdom of WWE in 2022 and made it his mission to bring a WWE Championship victory to the Rhodes dynasty, finally winning the title his father never could. 

Because wrestling, as we know, has more than one royal family.

So, there you have it! Will you be watching WrestleMania 39? If so, which match are you looking forward to the most? Share in the comments below! And don't forget to catch the show on April 1 and April 2 at 8 p.m. ET, streaming live on Peacock!

Oh! And don't forget to tell everyone all about how pro wrestling is fake and I'm dumb for liking it in the comments below! Because you're very smart and cool and I'm happy for you! But it's also okay to enjoy fun things, I promise!