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    Literally Just 64 Tweets From This Month That I Cannot Stop Thinking About

    "My favorite thing to cook for a man is a knuckle sandwich!"

    Somehow, another year has flown right by and we only have a month left in 2022. But instead of thinking about it and sending yourself into a spiral about how time isn't real, distract yourself with these really funny tweets from this month:

    And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!

    1.

    when my sister drives I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor

    Twitter: @darlaa_13

    2.

    Twitter: @whotfisjovana

    3.

    just got asked if poly people break up by voting them out like among us

    Twitter: @sinclairful

    4.

    no matter how small you try to make that “unsubscribe” at the bottom of an email, I WILL FIND IT

    CTV / Twitter: @em_Lazzy

    5.

    i didn’t care for ed edd n eddy… even at a tender age i had the capacity to recognise beauty and glamour. i could see something decidedly unchic was afoot

    Twitter: @fuglibetty

    6.

    Me omw to the bathroom after my bladder bursts sitting through 25 minutes of trailers, the Dolby Cinema intro, Nicole Kidman, the new DreamWorks animated intro, and then a full movie

    Neon / Topic Studios Twitter: @michaelcollado

    7.

    Twitter: @TLOnailuj

    8.

    yesterday she ripped the diaper off and pissed on the floor. today she’s throwing things over the balcony. the christening didn’t work.

    Twitter: @Marlon23rd

    9.

    me patiently waiting for him to make the first move because as nasty as i am i'm still shy

    Cartoon Network / Twitter: @invis4yo

    10.

    Them sex flashbacks be coming at you like them visions from Thats so Raven 😭

    Twitter: @WhoTFissim

    11.

    thanksgiving be trash now cause grandmas be 35😭😭😭😭😭 ain’t enough pain in that mac&cheese

    Twitter: @realmainfeeling

    12.

    FX / Twitter: @invis4yo

    13.

    dating in New York b like you gotta just find that one good person and beg them to please stop

    Twitter: @nogenderjust

    14.

    I asked my mom did she care that I was gay and she said why would I give af it ain’t my ass I was to stunned to speak

    Twitter: @BDTRELILBROTHER

    15.

    went to go get another roll and my uncle said “damn we want some too”

    Lifetime / Twitter: @antoniosbackup

    16.

    Hey man thanks for inviting me over to your Friendsgiving do you think you could ask the friends of yours that I don’t know to leave so I can feel more comfortable

    Twitter: @pjayevans

    17.

    PBS / Twitter: @ivyluvx

    18.

    Twitter: @wildfacebook

    19.

    come over, we’re getting violently high and seeing dad as a real person

    Twitter: @damienkronfeld

    20.

    when he gets a little too carried away and forgets you need to breathe

    Nickelodeon / Twitter: @faiththegemini

    21.

    “Your order has shipped””we’ve shipped it!””Your order is on its way!”

    Fox / Twitter: @TheMainJorgeM

    22.

    my bf’s friend group (26 year olds) got drunk and retook the SATs

    Twitter: @sonofalli

    23.

    I guess somewhere around the age of 12 it became my turn to go on the computer, and it still is. my turn just didn't end. more than a decade later I'm still here, on the computer

    Twitter: @hastifliche

    24.

    “can you send us a writing sample?” no but i can send you multiple screenshots of me killing it in the group chat

    Twitter: @lilsmichelle

    25.

    One minute you’re a 22 year old teenager next thing u know you’re a 25 year old senior citizen

    Twitter: @itsqail

    26.

    Twitter: @ohfold

    27.

    damn shawty that seems indicative of a much larger issue

    Twitter: @rundizzy

    28.

    1000 Twitter employees with three months severance. Pray for Mexico City.

    Twitter: @CharlieSosnick

    29.

    I saw the best minds of my generation ruined by 3 month situationships

    Twitter: @taamriddlz

    30.

    My favorite thing to cook for a man is a knuckle sandwich!

    Twitter: @haironalic

    31.

    “Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

    Twitter: @RohitaKadambi

    32.

    me doing one hour of selfcare after doing 23hours of self-destruction

    Warner Bros.  / Twitter: @bIondecity

    33.

    Twitter: @dirtyydian

    34.

    HBO / Twitter: @rorygilmorelvr

    35.

    it was the tail end of the bush era, the house market was crumbling, the stock market was crashing, people were being laid off left and right…and she rose from the ashes with nothing but a party city costume wig and a dance beat https://t.co/2TIYQkjEcg

    Interscope Records / Twitter: @animmaimota

    36.

    When you high as fcuk & remember that you saved food for this exact moment

    Mattel Television / Twitter: @badbbyaera

    37.

    At my grandma’s house and just accidentally let out a “yall stop running in and out” omg it’s over 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

    Twitter: @b1gotfans

    38.

    Twitter: @contactabrother

    39.

    when someone has a long instagram story i like to skip thru them really fast to understand how their life would look if it flashed before their eyes

    Twitter: @hotpriestt

    40.

    Me, whispering to Starbucks employee: Someone took a large…sorry…a venti poop on the floor.

    Twitter: @benedictsred

    41.

    saying go piss girl when someone needs to pee is just as respectful and important as saying bless u when someone sneezes and i stand by that.

    Twitter: @xejbxyd

    42.

    Lady behind me at The Thing screening last night to her partner "why are they shooting at the dog?" and her partner says very firmly "have you never seen a film before? You watch it and information is revealed"

    Twitter: @CursedGloryHole

    43.

    Forgot to ask for oat milk in my coffee

    Twitter: @yugihole

    44.

    the new twitter blue verification checks

    HBO / Twitter: @AngeldelaMito

    45.

    me rolling up before thanksgiving dinner😂

    Twitter: @invis4yo

    46.

    me freaking out and hiding when the maintenance guys knock on my apartment door even though I was the one who asked them to come fix something

    HBO / Twitter: @clur19

    47.

    me at the gym asking if anyone is using the 5 lb dumbbell

    Nickelodeon / Twitter: @ivyluvx

    48.

    Jennifer Coolidge as Hilary Duff in The Lizzie McGuire movie

    HBO / Twitter: @heyjaeee

    49.

    It’s November, y’all know what that means

    Twitter: @StupidSlavSlut

    50.

    Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 3rd sneeze, lets get it together.

    Twitter: @elibxoo

    51.

    i love calling my parents on a sunday morning because when i call my mom it is like mom…i ate a yogurt parfait and toast with butter and she says erica that is so great but when i call my dad it is always like: “erica …it is time for you to start a business.”

    Twitter: @sourhoestarter

    52.

    I just know the calcium from all that activia yogurt transformed her skull into titanium steel

    Universal Pictures / Twitter: @HarryPhillips15

    53.

    Twitter: @mazzypopstar

    54.

    I would never “plan for the future”. A Bible level miracle is going to happen to me

    Twitter: @s4m31p4n

    55.

    me leaving for work at 8:15, hoping to get there by 8:00

    Boomerang / Twitter: @ivyluvx

    56.

    Me: Im so good at flirting. Me on a date:

    Twitter: @Jani__Gee

    57.

    Me randomly deciding to leave the club without telling anyone

    Disney Channel / Twitter: @sharon_weave

    58.

    If you have a wrist band you can leave and come back. https://t.co/6xoWBhYVXC

    Twitter: @SerGonzales10

    59.

    born to “idk ❤️” forced to “I’ll investigate and circle back”

    Twitter: @neruda_bro

    60.

    me whenever my friends start vaping in front of me

    HBO / Twitter: @suricidal

    61.

    I love a “c*m for me” ass partner. Like imma do that anyway but you want me to dedicate this next one to you? I feel like Usher. This is for you! You! My number one 😌

    Twitter: @GoddessGlock

    62.

    him: “you must be goofy if you think we are fucking 😑” meee:

    Twitter: @bxsel

    63.

    The NYU student who took over my lease has owed me $100 for weeks, and when I asked him to pay me, he said he felt bullied and then sent me a Psychology Today article about gaslighting.

    Twitter: @GayLaVie

    64.

    You either date Pete Davidson or have a baby with Nick Cannon. Those are the only two life paths for women

    Twitter: @teresaeliz