What is your best joke?

What is the definition of eternal love?















A tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.

Edit

What has a brush mustache and takes it up the ass?

Gaydolf Hitler.

I just made that up right now. It's not my best joke.

@Jesus Freak is the best joke I know

I don't really have one. Most of my humor is on-the-spot stuff, inside jokes, and references.

Have you met my gay Irish neighbors?

Patrick fitzsimmons and
Simmons Fitzpatrick

How would you catch Kate Upton in the jungle?



Boobie traps.

Why is the Muslim always the life of the party?

Shots for everybody.

Father days special

What did daddy tomatoe say to baby tomatoe?
Hurry up and ketchup

How do you tell difference between a porcupine and sherdog poster driving a car? With a porcupine the pricks on the outside.

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker.

Ever wonder why graveyards are so popular?
People are dying to get in

jokes are weak so far

Jesus Freak said:

Click to expand...

You ain't gonna take that, are ya?
Turn the other cheek on him

The other, other cheek

What's different about a bulimic girl's birthday?






The cake jumps out of the girl

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing?

A couple of gay men decide to adopt a baby ... when they go visit the baby at the maternity they approach a big window of the room where all the babies where ... all the babies were crying , and very loudly , the only baby that was silent was theyre baby ... so one gay said to the other :
" you see my dear , we made a perfect choice , look at our lovelly baby all peacefull and calm"
at this moment a nurse approaches them and they say to her : " our little baby is very special , all the babies are crying and ours is the only one that is calm and quite" ... and the nurse replies : " thats what you think now , cause if i remove the thermometer out of his ass , he screams even louder then the rest"

The world's richest man died, leaving his entire estate to the first man who could pass three tests: drink his weight in vodka, kill a lion with his bare hands, and bring a beautiful woman to orgasm.

Thousands of people contacted his lawers, eager to collect the money. Most of them died of alcohol poisoning on the first step and, the few who passed it, were killed by the lion almost instantly.

But one man had an unusual determination in his eye. He finished drinking his weight in vodka and stumbled out to prove to the lawyers that he was ready for the next step. The lawyers were astonished, then remembered that several others had passed the first step, but failed to kill the lion with their bare hands and never even got close to the third step, bringing a beautiful woman to orgasm.

The man screamed that he was ready for the lion, and drunkenly charged into the room with the ferocious beast. They slammed the metal door shut behind him and listened as human and lion clashed. The sounds of violence reached their ears, the roars of the lion turned into a crescendo, like they had never heard before. Was the man still alive? Was he winning?

All of a sudden the lion went silent. They looked at each other, unsure who would check the room. Suddenly the metal door swung open and the man stepped out, covered in scratches and bites, bleeding profusely.

He looked at them, a gleam of victory in his eye, and, drunkenly slurring his words, confidently said:

There were two nude statues in Zeus' garden, a handsome man and a beautiful female. They were at either end of the pool and dutifully watched the swimmers, day in and day out. One day Zeus felt bad for them as they would be forever alone and would never know each other's touch, so he made them human.

He told them that they would be human for 24 hours and they had that time to do whatever they wanted with each other.

The male looked at the female and asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yes!" she said excitedly and the two nude figures scampered into the bushes.

At first there was some tussling and giggling, and then they went silent. Zeus smiled, pleased that he was able to bring these two beings such joy, even if it was only for 24 hours. All of a sudden there was a thrashing sound and the woman yelled, "More! Push harder!" and the man yelled, "I'm trying!" followed by... squawking?

Zeus leapt to his feet, unsure what was happening. Then he heard the man yell:

A guy moves out to the mountains where his closest neighbor is a mountain man that lives 10 miles away. After 6 months, he hears a knock on his door.

The man shouted through the door, "who is it?"

"Hey it's your neighbor." The voice said. "I'm having a party tonight and wanted to invite you."

"Hmmm" said the man. "That might be good for me."

Then the neighbor said, "I gotta warn you though, there's gonna be some drinkin’"

"I like to drink" said the man.

"There's also bound to be some fightin'"

"Ok well I can handle that." Said the man.

"And there's gonna be a lot of screwin'"

"That sounds great. What should i wear?"

"Wear whatever you want. It's just going to be the two of us."