CRAIG BROWN (as Nadine Dorries): My favourite Bond? The Pie Who Loved Me

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Badminton: Okay, the liberal elite may have recently had a go at me for getting Rugby Union mixed up with Rugby League. Have they got nothing better to do? Do I detect a hint of snobbery? Anyway, that's not going to stop me celebrating the very best of Culture, Media and Sport. First in my A-Z comes Badminton — and quite right too! I'm constantly amazed by the way they train those horses to hold their racquets.

Bond, James: One of our great British success stories. I've literally watched all those movies a million times — from You Only Live Once to The World Is Just Enough and from The Pie Who Loved Me to Licence To Spill. Whenever I see Special Agent 0207 jumping into his world-famous Ferrari, I'm reminded you'd never find him chasing a villain by relying on one of Mick Lynch's strike-bound trains.

Brand's Hatch: The home of British tennis, and I fully intend to keep it that way.

Carnation Street: I've been an avid viewer of this long-running TV drama from Day One. Fave episode? Probably when proprietor Meg Mortimer set fire to the motel before shooting J.R. I can't now remember exactly why she did it — probably her notorious husband Dirty Den had been cheating on her something rotten!

Classical Music: Big fan. I believe all our children should be given the opportunity to appreciate what I always call the Three B's — Bach, Beethoven and, um, I forget the other... Yes, that's it — Barry White, who to me is greatly underrated, and makes you proud to be British.

British Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries arrives at Downing Street, in London, Britain June 21, 2022

Constable: A great British artist. Who'd have thought an ordinary British bobby on the beat would one day be acclaimed as one of our greatest living painters?

Cricket: Famously, a game of two halves. Personally, I love the Test Matches — in fact I almost prefer them to the real thing. People go on about the ashes, but to my mind that's totally unfair, because it's far from dead. OK, so sometimes it might drag on a bit, but cricket's still got a lot of life left in it, particularly if you bring along a picnic and a mobile phone, so you can have a bit of a natter while they run around chasing the ball.

Derby, The: I'll literally never forget the first time I saw those ponies leaping over the hedges at Ascot. You know what? It made me fall totally in love with show-jumping.

Drama: I have a massive passion and respect for drama. But I wish so much of it wasn't made up. That's what ruins it for me. Sad to say, the last time I visited the National Theatre there were far too many people on stage pretending to be other people, and saying things that had, quite clearly, been written for them in advance. There's only one word for it: fraud. You'd never get that in the private sector. Time for a little privatisation, methinks!

Race winner Carlos Sainz of Ferrari is presented the trophy by Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries after the British Grand Prix 2022 at Silverstone, Sunday July 3

Edinburgh Festival: I'd never miss an Edinburgh Festival. When I was cross-questioned by the Culture, Media and Whatever Committee last week, I told them I was very happy to answer any questions about it. They were highly impressed by my all-round knowledge of the event. 'It takes place somewhere in Scotland, and it's a festival,' I said. 'And frankly that's all I'm prepared to say for the moment.'

Formula 1: In a round-table at my department last week, I made it absolutely clear that I was right behind Formula 1 racing. But in this day and age it's only right and proper that we require them to drive a bit slower, cut down on harmful emissions, keep it quiet, and obey the Highway Code. And that's just one of the reasons I've asked the sport's governing body to look into investing in zebra crossings and a decent set of traffic lights.

Glasto: The nickname given to the popular Glastonburgh Festival, that famously takes place in Dorset every year. You'll always find me there in my wellies, 'getting on up' to great British bands like The Beach Boys, Abba and the Food Fighters. Fave moment? Has to be when it started raining and Cliff started singing Summer Holiday to cheer us all up. Magic!

Golf: Let's make no bones about it. There should be no room in sport for shoddy or worn-out equipment. In any other sport if you had a hole in one, you'd send off for a new one.