'It's either this or total solitude': Women who 'settled' for partners who weren't 'the one' reveal what it's REALLY like to be in an unfulfilling relationship with a 'good person'

  • The thought-provoking responses were shared in a now-viral Reddit thread
  • User u/violetshug asked women who ended up with 'good' people they aren't in love with to share how their relationships are going
  • The stories range from women who are getting divorced after years of unhappiness to those who are now fully in love with their partners 

By Erica Tempesta For Dailymail.com

Published: | Updated:

Women who have admittedly 'settled' for partners who weren't 'the one' have opened up about what life is like in an unfulfilled relationship — but some insist they don't have any regrets.  

The thought-provoking responses were shared in a now-viral Reddit thread after u/violetshug asked women who ended up with 'good' people they aren't head-over-heels in love with to share how their relationships are going.  

The stories range from women who are getting divorced after years of unhappiness to those who are now fully in love with their partners and everything in between. 

Honest: Women who 'settled' for their partners who weren't 'the one' have opened up on Reddit about what their lives are like

Honest: Women who 'settled' for their partners who weren't 'the one' have opened up on Reddit about what their lives are like 

Range: Some Reddit users shared that they are now fully in love with their partners, while others admitted that their relationships are a struggle for them

Range: Some Reddit users shared that they are now fully in love with their partners, while others admitted that their relationships are a struggle for them 

'Twenty years of marriage and three kids later, we are very good partners and make a great team. However, I am somewhat sad about how little we have in common outside of that,' one person wrote.  

Another woman who has been married to her partner for five years and with him for a total of 16, admitted that 'it isn't always easy.' 

'We’re in a rough spot and it’s easy after every issue to think, "I knew I never should have stayed with him,"' she explained. 'Sometimes I wonder if I’m being a coward... 

'My husband adores me and is a good man but does not fulfill me intellectually, is emotionally immature, and we are on different planets of sexual desire. It’s a struggle but it’s not a nightmare.'

Someone else who has been married for 28 years said she couldn't be happier.    

Relatable: Many of the women who commented in the thread said they love their partners but aren't in love with them

Relatable: Many of the women who commented in the thread said they love their partners but aren't in love with them

'We have had our ups and downs, but to be honest, he was the one — I just didn't know it at the time,' she said. 'Sometimes "the one" is an ideal based on youthful priorities, but with maturity, you realize some of those qualities aren't as important anymore... 

'I might add too, that I ran into "the one" again a few years back. Was not impressed, and I think I made a good escape there!'

However, not everyone has been that lucky in their relationships over the years.   

'It's sad and boring, but safe,' one Reddit user shared. 'I do miss "the one" sometimes, but we're just friends and we could never be more than that. It's either this or total solitude so at least I have a companion, sex and someone truly loves me. Or course I would give my right arm to have my true love, but here we are.' 

Many of the women who commented in the thread said they love their partners but aren't in love with them.  

'It’s going. I know it’s not right, but he is a good person,' one mom wrote. 'Sometimes I want so much more. Right now, it would cost me so much to leave, and I do have love for him. Our children have a great support system between us, and we live a decent life.' 

Happier now: Others opened up about their divorces, insisting that life is too short to stay with someone you don't love

Happier now: Others opened up about their divorces, insisting that life is too short to stay with someone you don't love

Another explained that she chose her husband because he 'meets a lot' of her needs and she loves him for who he is. 

'He’s not a GQ model, he’s not rich, and yes, sometimes he bugs the crap out of me,' she added. 'But I chose him. And I chose to love him for who he is rather than hold out for the idea of "the one."'

Others opened up about their divorces, insisting that life is too short to stay with someone you don't love.  

'Finally ended it just under three years ago, after a decade of on and off. Now living a happy life with someone, who is definitely the one,' one person wrote. 

Someone else said she and her partner divorced because their values didn't match.   

'We married and had kids too young. Been single two years and I've literally fallen in love [with] myself!' she said. 'Better to be happy and alone than lonely and married.'

'I ended my six-year relationship (married for three) last year and it was the best decision I ever made,' another woman agreed.  'I didn’t see how uncolorful it was until I was out of it.'

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