BLACK DOG: A divine moment for Jacob Rees-Mogg

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Leading private prayers for MPs last Monday, Commons Chaplain Rose Hudson-Wilkin chose a reading, Dog hears, that she reserves for especially trying times – Psalm 46. 

'The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge,' she intoned. Listening as he prayed, the non-biblical Jacob, of Rees-Mogg fame – Theresa May's chief tormentor – must have thought his moment had come. 

Jacob Rees-Mogg announced the first push to remove Mrs May on November 15, holding a press conference on the steps of Parliament calling for letters of no confidence

Stormy scenes in the Brexiteer Tory ERG group before the leadership vote when May loyalist Jack Lopresti arrived and began fiddling with his phone. 

'I spy strangers!' yelled one MP, convinced he was a No 10 mole. Lopresti: 'I'm only texting my wife.' 

'Didn't know you were still speaking,' came the reply. Lopresti's better-half is virulently anti-Mayite... and fellow Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns.

Fans of David Cameron will wait in vain to see him portrayed in the forthcoming Referendum drama on Channel 4. 

Dog hears the ex-PM was written out of Brexit: The Uncivil War after the first draft. 

'We realised Leave master-mind Dominic Cummings was more interesting,' says an insider. Cummings is played by Benedict Cumberbatch. Jealous, Dave? 

Andrea Leadsom, above, withdrew from the leadership contest in 2016 [File photo]

Andrea the wheelie bin? That's rubbish...

Discussing Mrs May's plight, ex-Labour aide Ayesha Hazarika won't even give her credit for beating rival Andrea Leadsom in the 2016 Tory leadership contest. 

'That's like winning Wimbledon against a wheelie bin,' sniped part-time comedian Hazarika. Unfair. 

Commons Leader Mrs Leadsom has proved she packs a fearsome backhand.

For his new, 'lean and mean' haircut, Boris Johnson chose not his usual Turkish barbers in North London but the Commons' own coiffeurs. 

Is the would-be Tory leader, himself part Turkish, trying to underline his British bulldog credentials down to the follicles on his famous barnet?

David's relief mission

Caught short before addressing 100 black tie-clad supporters at the annual Margaret Thatcher Centre dinner, potential Tory leader David Davis dashed off to the loo only to be accosted by a party grandee: 'David, you've really got to go for it.' 'I think he's trying to if you'll let him,' said a fellow guest heading for the conveniences. 

Christmas intruded on Brexit at Westminster when Santa Claus walked into the Chamber with a cheery 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' 

The so-called MP for Lapland South turned out to be Tory MP Sir Mike Penning fresh from a Westminster party. 

'Santa' was overheard telling off anti-May rebel Sam Gyimah: 'You're on my naughty list.'

Aghast at the idea of a No Deal Brexit, Lib Dem leader Sir Vince Cable told Radio 4's Any Questions: 'It would be like bombing our own country in a war.' 

Fellow panellist – and arch-Brexiteer – Peter Bone tells Dog: 'Is this the Dad's Army version of Project Fear? I half expected Vince to start yelling, 'Don't panic!' '