Oh...are they putting these in the MRE's now?

Harry Freakstorm: steklo: Oh...are they putting these in the MRE's now?

Aw geez.  I got a B class MRE.  That means it has the John Wayne Cookies and the double Punisher vibrator

While in basic training, I used to take out my hot chocolate packet and put it in my pocket so that when I was on Fire Guard duty at 03:00AM I could whip down to the latrine, turn on the hot water tap for a few minutes, make some hot chocolate in my canteen.

Other than that, I hated my MRE's. I much preferred waiting in line at the mess hall.

stuhayes2010: A friend was stationed in Afghanistan.  She said it was funny at night in the female barracks you'd hear a bunch of vibrators buzzing.

Well they have better been regulation army vibrators they were using.

Makes me wonder though, where do they hide them during inspections? I know when I had inspections they always checked my wall-locker and left no stone un-turned.

Camp Darby, Circa 1988 or so...

Was in my 3 man barracks room one night. Sleeping soundly when the door opened. It was our new roomie coming in drunk from a night at the post club. That wasn't so bad, what was bad was that he was only here a week and already is bringing back a female to the room. (er...hello? no females allowed in male barracks...) well, turned out she was an MP....(go figure)

So I really can't see them because there is a wall locker in my view. But I hear them giggling, and taking off their clothes and getting into bed....

Well, within moments I hear what I think is the worst sex ever. He's grunting loudly with every thrust, she's not even moaning but sounding more like sighing and she keeps telling him that it's not comfortable and she can't breathe.

Oh it was so pathetic. So awful. It really was painful to hear. She really wasn't enjoying herself at all. But within a few minutes it was all over.  "How are you going to clean that up?" I heard her ask. The new roomie gets up and stumbles to the other end of the room where my other room-mate's bunk was and pulls a towel off his bed post. Throws it to the girl and says..."Use this"

He climbs into bed and I can hear her whispering to him..."Don't touch me".

In the AM we all seemed to have woken up together. Not realizing that I was in the room, they got quickly dressed and I had a word with them.

"That was pretty pathetic last night. Really, a sad  decision to have sex while I was in the room last night. Not sure If I should let the CQ know or not. I see her gun holster and MP arm-band. "You're a MP too, you should know better." I could tell she had a hangover and wasn't in the mood for this little chat and she just looked at me and hung her head in shame. "Yeah, i know." she muttered. Then the both of them left.

Moments later the new roomie comes back.

"Hey man, sorry, I didn't know you where in the room last night. I thought you were working the mid shift."

"No, I traded my shift with someone else. You do know that girls aren't permitted in these barracks right?" I asked.

"No, I had no clue. But speaking about that. I have a favor. See, my wife is coming in from the states in a few days and once she gets here, I'll move off post but in the meanwhile, could you not say anything to my wife about what happened last night?

"How much money do you have?" I replied.

"Oh you're kidding, you're going to black mail me?"  He cried.

"I can do a lot of things. But that's not one of them. I'm not comfortable lying to your wife and if she asks me I'll tell her but I won't offer this info first. How's that sound?" I replied.

"Deal".

So sure enough the wife comes to post, he moves out and a month later I run into her at the PX.

We didn't speak, just waived and of course I thought of her husband cheating on her and felt sort of bad about it. However I kept quiet and now this little incident is nothing more than a CSB on Fark.

dkulprit: Unless your unit is a

yeah I suppose its different in a war time working unit. I was only in peace time so we were prime targets for inspections, painting rocks, talking to trees and whatnot. I remember seeing a bunch of infantry troops in and out and always noticed how dirty their uniforms and boots were and reminded myself that its different when you have to live in the field versus a barracks.

A month before my ETS back to the states, I let myself go. Grew my hair out of regs, didn't press my uniform or polish my boots. And then the time came for me to go to the post travel office to get my plane ticket home.

Waiting in the room, a Col is standing behind me. He taps me on the shoulder.

"Son, you look like crap. What unit do you belong to? Your hair is long, your uniform is wrinkled and your boots are filthy!"

"Sir, I'm 56th signal company 506."

"oh crap. That's my new unit. I'm new officer in command starting Monday." I won't have you looking like shiat. I want you at my office tomorrow 0700 and your going to mow the battalion lawn, wash and wax the duty vehicle and anything other i can think of. That's an order Specialist!"

I get called to the counter and get my tickets. Sure enough my plane is doing to depart tomorrow at the same time. I kept it to myself and smile as I walked passed the new PIA Col.

"Sir, I hope you have a good day and enjoy your new post. I'll see you tomorrow."

LOL

sucker.

Mr_Fabulous: Worst. Penthouse. Forum. Story. Ever.

I was asked by Fark a few weeks ago to "tone down" my sexual laced stories so I kept this one very basic and plain.