ME: Hey, I got your note. Reaching out to let you know that although the earthquake created a sinkhole in which I now have to live, I’m O.K. Thanks for checking in.
NATALIE: I’m so sorry, that’s awful. I would have responded sooner, but it flooded here. The city actually broke off into its own landmass, so I’ve been getting spotty service. Probably because I live at sea now. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Do you need fish?
ME: So horrible, I heard the news. Well, I heard an echo of the news from aboveground—the sinkhole gets neglected by the media. Also, the sinkhole is now on fire. Don’t worry, I’ve got a multi-tool and my part of the hole is safe. Except for the mold spores, haha. Let me know if there’s a GoFundMe I can contribute to for your island. Love you.
NATALIE: I can’t believe the mold and the fire made each other stronger. It’s unfortunate that all the scientists are dead. We don’t really get reliable news out here either—we trained some homing seagulls, but they’ve started mutating because of a nearby chemical spill. They still have their wings, but now they also have human faces and the bodies of salmon. I don’t want to get political, but I wish the government still existed.
ME: Me, too! I think—I can’t really read what you said. The eternal darkness of Sinkhole has really messed up my vision. Oh, right, I forgot to tell you—there’s a whole species of sinkhole creatures, Sinkholers, down here that were brought to sentience by the FireMold (praise be to the Mold, praise be to the Fire). At first, the Sinkholers scared me when they said that I must be cooked to feed their Mold Queen, but now I see that they are good and kind. They are to be loved and trusted until they ascend to the Above. Any murder they do will be for the good of all, as decreed by Her Hungry Majesty.
NATALIE: Hey, so, it kind of feels like the Sinkhole creature took over writing that message lol. Are you O.K.? It’s been really nice talking to you lately because I’ve been feeling trapped and alone and scared. Anyway, I hope you didn’t get eaten. In a surprise twist, my island has been sucked up into a still-rotating tornado. So, on top of the charred skin, the permanent spots on my retinas, and the dehydration, guess who’s got vertigo! I scheduled a doctor’s appointment but they didn’t have any availability until 2043.
ME: We had to murder the Sinkholers.
NATALIE: Jesus. This is going to sound crazy, but should we move to Michigan?
ME: Isn’t Michigan radioactive?
NATALIE: Yes.
ME: I’m a maybe. ♦
