I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I saw this Reddit post. But more importantly, I really can't emphasize the importance of good hygiene enough.
I know, it seems redundant. We're all adults and we should know how to wipe ourselves but apparently, that's not the case.
But, in the morally inquisitive r/AITAH sub, one user (who we'll refer to as OP for Original Poster) asked whether he was in the wrong for pointing out that his lady had a bit of a stench, but it was the passive mention of his own hygiene practices that left the entire subreddit stupefyingly perplexed:
"Yesterday I came home from work and my wife greeted me in the usual manner. While hugging her, I noticed she smelled pretty bad of BO — no biggie, I know she was home with the baby all day and probably gardening outside. Later in the evening, I offer to make her a bath and she jokingly asks, 'Why? Are you saying I stink?' I honestly offered to do it just to be nice because I knew she had a long day and likes baths, but she did smell bad, so I kinda laughed and said, 'Well...' Then she gets mad at me and says a husband isn’t supposed to say his wife stinks, and she’s been sore with me about it ever since."
Why she's been sore, you might ask? "She’s never had a problem telling me when my farts stink, when I have morning breath, or when I don’t wipe well enough, so why do I have to walk on eggshells for her over this? Am I crazy, or is this an unfair double standard?"
The last bit of his post led to even more questions that needed answers...because the wife had an excuse. I've been trying to figure out how a grown man with a wife and a child doesn't know how to wipe.
Note: There is a very, VERY real chance this Reddit user is just trolling, but even if they are, men not wiping properly is actually a very common issue, so nevertheless, it's based in truth and reality.
Before we discuss the responses, I want to ensure that I'm not just being judgmental but actually providing some solutions to those who may face similar challenges as the OP (not about the wifey's BO, but their own). If you don't have a bidet, here's what Men's Health says about properly wiping:
"Using enough toilet paper (folded or crumpled is fine), reach behind your back between your legs and wipe from front to back. Wipe backward from the perineum, toward and past the anus."
Not only will this help with your general odor, but it will also help with discomfort and the possibility of infections and hemorrhoids. The more you know.
Anyways, back to OP. His post garnered over 5,000 comments from Reddit users and the majority of them focused on the one eyebrow-raising admission that he inadvertently made.
"Wipe well enough…🤢. Bro, why is this something she needs to tell you? How old are you?"
Others seemed to overlook this crucial point, fortunately, and actually provided some useful insight into how he could approach this topic.
"Depending on how young the baby is, she might be a bit hormonally sensitive. If she hasn't gotten her pre-baby body back, she might be dealing with body image issues. That would likely leave her more sensitive than normal. So when you said she was a little stinky, what she might have heard is, 'You disgust me.'"
"Is this her first baby?
For some women, during postpartum, their BO gets really bad. It's part of the hormone changes and all, but it really is awful. You can shower twice a day and use the prescription strength deodorant, and still smell like a rotting sock. And that's not even considering the normal new parent hazards like baby vomit.
Just saying there might be something like that going on. Make sure you're giving her time to shower every morning before you leave, but also be gentle. Postpartum sucks."
"She might be feeling self-conscious about her changing body after having a baby, and saying she smells bad might be the cherry top of making her feel unattractive and gross."
"NTA, but you do have to understand her feelings and react accordingly (learn to be sensitive to the situation; be aware of her emotions). Remember, she’s at home taking care of your child and the garden all day."
Perhaps it was best put by u/SlipMeA20, who wrote, "She's not really mad at you...she's embarrassed, and it's coming out this way. Go use your words, solve the problem, and be loving."
However, not as many people provided him with as much grace. There were a number of people who made it clear that he was very much the asshole during this spousal kerfuffle.
"Dude, and let me be very clear here, if your wife has to tell you that you smell like shit because you don't wipe well enough, then you have absolutely no right to tell her she stinks. In fact, ya'll both nasty and deserve each other."
Ultimately, most people were floored by the casual mention that he doesn't wipe properly before they could even offer an opinion.
"Got some confidence admitting you don't wipe well often enough. And before you say, 'it's not often' if it wasn't, you wouldn't have added it to the list of things she complains about."
"You do know that having to be told you didn't wipe well enough is totally not normal, right? Brave of you to post that."