Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(AL.com)   It's kind of adorable when a town in Alabama with a population of less than 15,000 thinks it actually has a chance to land the new Amazon headquarters   (al.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely  
•       •       •

5055 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Oct 2017 at 2:23 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



100 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
FormlessOne  
Smartest (15)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 12:49:41 AM  
No, but, see, now the town is inextricably linked with Amazon in search engine results, so, free publicity for a two-horse town in the middle of farking Alabama.

We're going to see a lot of this, as places with no hope, no chance, or no clue hop onto this bandwagon if for no other reason than to promote themselves by association.
 
2017-10-23 12:55:39 AM  
Aw, how cute, they think they're people.
 
2017-10-23 1:45:14 AM  

King Something: Aw, how cute, they think they're smart people.


FIFY
 
2017-10-23 2:26:29 AM  
probably taking the field of dreams approach
 
2017-10-23 2:27:18 AM  
Or Alabama , in general...
 
2017-10-23 2:34:28 AM  
Put it Brazil where it belongs
 
2017-10-23 2:38:25 AM  
If Amazon swept one of their floors, they could find enough change to buy the whole town at a nice premium for the residents. So, win.
 
2017-10-23 2:39:14 AM  
Scottsboro is home to that huge sales center for airlines' unclaimed baggage ... if something like that can be there --- as opposed to, I dunno, ATLANTA --- then logically there's no reason to rule out an Amazon headquarters.

Besides, Knoxville, Tenn., snagged itself a World's Fair in 1982. Anything can happen.
 
2017-10-23 2:50:12 AM  
If a town isnt NYC or LA or SF, we should send in wave after wave of rabid dogs to eliminate them.  Then we carpet bomb them.  Then ED 209 kill bots.  Then antharx infected cow corpses.  Then tugsten rods from god.  Then dark magik curses to ghostify their souls.  Then ghost buster trap their souls.  Then shoot their trapped souls into a black hole.  Then slam that black hole into the black hole in the galactic center.  Then use the hawking radiation from their souls to heat our frappachinos.

This is the only ethical thing to do to these freaks.
 
Kevin72  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 2:50:59 AM  
The whole south is a hicktown. You can win a bar bet by stumping everyone asking for the most populous city south of Ohio and east of Texas. Not New Orleans Atlanta or Miami. It's Jacksonville, that says it all.
 
2017-10-23 3:06:51 AM  
Eh, it's not just the south. My formerly happy Wisconsin home has had the same problem with confusing "business friendly" and "braindead" for the last seven years or so.
 
2017-10-23 3:06:51 AM  
Hey I'm from a town of 14,000 in the northeast corner of Alabama that isn't Scottsboro, so this is surprisingly relevant to my interests.

Little River Canyon > Unclaimed Baggage
 
buserror [TotalFark]  
Smartest (14)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 3:20:25 AM  

Kevin72: The whole south is a hicktown. You can win a bar bet by stumping everyone asking for the most populous city south of Ohio and east of Texas. Not New Orleans Atlanta or Miami. It's Jacksonville, that says it all.


Jacksonville has most of its suburban areas within city limits, and those other cities don't.  If you compare by metro population, you'll get a very different answer.
 
Emposter [OhFark]  
Smartest (10)   Funniest (3)  
2017-10-23 3:21:37 AM  
FTFA: The company's request for proposal asks for bids from sites in metro areas with at least 1 million residents, proximity to an international airport, mass transit, quality higher education, an educated workforce, a business-friendly environment and high quality of life.

Doesn't that eliminate pretty much the entire South?
 
2017-10-23 3:28:38 AM  

spamdog: Bumfark?

It's Bumfark, isn't it?

They say that's in Alabama.


I've always understood it to be in Egypt

/BFE
 
seelorq [TotalFark]  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 3:31:17 AM  

Kevin72: The whole south is a hicktown. You can win a bar bet by stumping everyone asking for the most populous city south of Ohio and east of Texas. Not New Orleans Atlanta or Miami. It's Jacksonville, that says it all.


LOL. Look at metro Miami and metro Atlanta. About 12 million. City limits in large urban areas don't really matter much anymore.
 
spamalope  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 3:36:38 AM  
Perhaps they figure Amazon might be ready to roll out AI to replace their back office employees similar to the way they've been automating away warehouse workers. Then Amazon wouldn't require a larger urban center.
 
2017-10-23 3:40:02 AM  
Redmond, Washington sends its regards.
 
2017-10-23 3:41:59 AM  

Kevin72: The whole south is a hicktown. You can win a bar bet by stumping everyone asking for the most populous city south of Ohio and east of Texas. Not New Orleans Atlanta or Miami. It's Jacksonville, that says it all.


I would be surprised if anyone did not know this.  Jacksonville is also the largest city in the continental US (4 in Alaska larger).  Because of that, J'ville metro area population of about 1.5 million has over half inside J'ville city limits.  We learned this in grammar school.  In a hick town in Alabama.
 
2017-10-23 3:48:05 AM  
But another point - Scottsboro has absolutely no chance winning the Amazon office.  Neither does Huntsville or Birmingham.  The whole metro area over 1,000,000 requirement knocks out Huntsville, and the international airport requirement takes out Birmingham.    If Birmingham would work with American, Delta, and United to get them to get one of them to add some international flights, Birmingham could meet basic qualifications, but still, when compared to Atlanta, Chicago, Charlotte, Dallas, etc., Birmingham has no chance.  It would be the best thing to happen to Birmingham since the discovery of the nearby ore deposits in the 19th century, but it won't happen.
 
2017-10-23 4:06:14 AM  
All Amazon would need to do would be to find a full staff of thousands of very intelligent and skilled people who would willingly move to Alabama...

Just kidding... can you imagine?
 
2017-10-23 4:07:11 AM  
I just hope Amazon doesn't do something douchey and decide to come to Portland.
 
drxym  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 4:10:06 AM  
Cults have been known to do this. They roll into some sleepy town, quickly take over the local government & businesses, drive the existing people away and then form a new more perfect town around their own whackadoodle beliefs.

I could see the benefits of Amazon doing the same.
 
2017-10-23 4:12:33 AM  

drxym: Cults have been known to do this. They roll into some sleepy town, quickly take over the local government & businesses, drive the existing people away and then form a new more perfect town around their own whackadoodle beliefs.

I could see the benefits of Amazon doing the same.


That brings back memories. The Rajneeshees in Oregon.
 
2017-10-23 4:28:16 AM  
Western NY is throwing our worn, threadbare, possibly mouse-chewed hat into this ring. Rochester and Buffalo are in cahoots, even. I wish I were kidding. http://www.democratandchronicle.com/story/opinion/editorials/2017/10/14/amazon-second-headquarters-rochester-buffalo-region-editorial/762118001/

I'm just watching and going oh honey, no. No.

Our weather is shiat, the shiat weather affects shipping and travel (Yes I know shipping is not likely to actually move here, but still), our taxes are crazy, Rochester at least has extremely high crime rates and... I dunno, I mean I mostly like it here, but I don't see a company headquartered near Seattle as really taking a shine to this part of the state. I'd rather live in Seattle than here, is what I mean.

And that's not even taking into account all the rumored organized crime/gang activity around here.

Sigh. I can't wait to move, as much as I like the area.
 
2017-10-23 4:29:19 AM  
Amazon is not going to put HQ2 in a homophobic,racist, or anti abortion state. There are blue states that will them just as much cash.
 
2017-10-23 4:47:43 AM  
They have some, uh, less than Amazon friendly backstory to deal with.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scottsboro_Boys
 
cirby  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (2)  
2017-10-23 4:51:20 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Amazon is not going to put HQ2 in a homophobic,racist, or anti abortion state.


Keep telling yourself that, and keep pretending the "blue" states follow all of those guidelines, too.

$$$$$ = more important than an SJW checklist.

(It's probably going to be Austin)
 
2017-10-23 5:15:33 AM  

cirby: drjekel_mrhyde: Amazon is not going to put HQ2 in a homophobic,racist, or anti abortion state.

Keep telling yourself that, and keep pretending the "blue" states follow all of those guidelines, too.

$$$$$ = more important than an SJW checklist.

(It's probably going to be Austin)


I would say that the social and political atmosphere of the city/state ends up being more important than the initial cost of building the headquarters.  It does not matter if it is a red state or blue state, everyone is falling all over each other to pitch a good deal to Amazon.  What IS going to matter is that the headquarters are located in a state where Amazon can recruit and maintain the talent they are looking for.  If they feel that the employees they are looking for subscribe to the "SJW checklist" then they are going to build in an area that reflects those values.

I don't think they are going to go with Austin though and not because of the political ideology of Texas (Austin is solidly blue).  Austin is land-locked, is too far West, and does not have a large enough airport for what they are looking for.  I would put my money on an east-coast metro area like Pittsburgh, Boston, or Atlanta.
 
Unobtanium [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 5:20:15 AM  

Huck And Molly Ziegler: Scottsboro is home to that huge sales center for airlines' unclaimed baggage ... if something like that can be there --- as opposed to, I dunno, ATLANTA --- then logically there's no reason to rule out an Amazon headquarters.

Besides, Knoxville, Tenn., snagged itself a World's Fair in 1982. Anything can happen.


Been there. Got a great price on a portable scanner. What surprised me was how many iPads they have.
 
2017-10-23 5:25:09 AM  

drxym: Cults have been known to do this. They roll into some sleepy town, quickly take over the local government & businesses, drive the existing people away and then form a new more perfect town around their own whackadoodle beliefs.

I could see the benefits of Amazon doing the same.


I see you've played Disney-spoony before.
 
2017-10-23 5:32:37 AM  
Please not Atlanta, please not Atlanta, please not Atlanta, please, please, please.  Developers and politicians in bed together around here have already done all kinds of damage to our ability to maintain our infrastructure.  Another huge tax incentive *cough* giveaway *cough* would be disastrous.

Someone pass the word to Amazon and just tell them the stories about an educated population, ready to go, are just that, stories.
 
2017-10-23 5:37:53 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
randomjsa  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 5:48:30 AM  

Emposter: FTFA: The company's request for proposal asks for bids from sites in metro areas with at least 1 million residents, proximity to an international airport, mass transit, quality higher education, an educated workforce, a business-friendly environment and high quality of life.

Doesn't that eliminate pretty much the entire South?


The Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill area in North Carolina just rolled its eyes at you.

The RDU area consistently rates high on places to do business.

On the other hand NC is the home of the boondoggle which was "The Global Transpark" but that wasn't int he RDU area.
 
2017-10-23 5:54:39 AM  
 
2017-10-23 5:59:24 AM  

MerelyFoolish: But another point - Scottsboro has absolutely no chance winning the Amazon office.  Neither does Huntsville or Birmingham.  The whole metro area over 1,000,000 requirement knocks out Huntsville, and the international airport requirement takes out Birmingham.    If Birmingham would work with American, Delta, and United to get them to get one of them to add some international flights, Birmingham could meet basic qualifications, but still, when compared to Atlanta, Chicago, Charlotte, Dallas, etc., Birmingham has no chance.  It would be the best thing to happen to Birmingham since the discovery of the nearby ore deposits in the 19th century, but it won't happen.


Watching William Bell hitch his wagon to Amazon was pretty pathetic.

/Cautiously optimistic about Randall Woodfin
//Highland Park says hello!
 
2017-10-23 6:01:40 AM  

omnimancer28: I don't think they are going to go with Austin though and not because of the political ideology of Texas (Austin is solidly blue).  Austin is land-locked,


?!  Austin is surrounded by 5.8 megaparsecs of jack shiiat.  They can literally expand in any direction for 100 miles.
 
Brosephus  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 6:01:54 AM  

Cobblestone Flag: Hey I'm from a town of 14,000 in the northeast corner of Alabama that isn't Scottsboro, so this is surprisingly relevant to my interests.

Little River Canyon > Unclaimed Baggage


Noccalulu Falls > Little River Canyon > Unclaimed Baggage

:)
 
wood0366  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 6:06:18 AM  
Do you want a company town, because that's how you get company towns.
 
2017-10-23 6:08:50 AM  

buserror: Kevin72: The whole south is a hicktown. You can win a bar bet by stumping everyone asking for the most populous city south of Ohio and east of Texas. Not New Orleans Atlanta or Miami. It's Jacksonville, that says it all.

Jacksonville has most of its suburban areas within city limits, and those other cities don't.  If you compare by metro population, you'll get a very different answer.


At one point, they moved the city limits to the county borders, dunno if that is still the case.
 
2017-10-23 6:22:52 AM  

Man On Pink Corner: omnimancer28: I don't think they are going to go with Austin though and not because of the political ideology of Texas (Austin is solidly blue).  Austin is land-locked,

?!  Austin is surrounded by 5.8 megaparsecs of jack shiiat.  They can literally expand in any direction for 100 miles.


Land locked means not near any seas or oceans, as in nowhere near the coast.
 
2017-10-23 6:28:48 AM  
Ahhhh the south.  The last place you are allowed to be openly discriminatory against.  Good times
 
2017-10-23 6:31:34 AM  

Emposter: FTFA: The company's request for proposal asks for bids from sites in metro areas with at least 1 million residents, proximity to an international airport, mass transit, quality higher education, an educated workforce, a business-friendly environment and high quality of life.

I guess by "business-friendly" they mean paying no taxes for the next 150 years, although they don't plan on staying for more than ten or so, at which point they open up the bidding again.

Any city that meets Amazon's requirements isn't falling over themselves to take them.  Boston, for instance.  Large metro area, international airport, mass transit, quality higher education, educated workforce. . . but unemployment is already low and there's no place to put 'em.  Don't want 'em.  Especially if they're looking to shake down the city.
If I was to guess I'd say Chicago.  Checks most of the requirements and the politicians there are so greased up they're almost insulted if you don't show up with your own vat of lube.  Or, most of the shiat about "education" is just lip service and they'll drop the HQ in some place like Arkansas after the local government bankrupts the city to muster up a bribe they won't say no to, then figure they could lure college grads to the middle of nowhere because no one hires people without experience anyway.
 
2017-10-23 7:53:37 AM  

omnimancer28: cirby: drjekel_mrhyde: Amazon is not going to put HQ2 in a homophobic,racist, or anti abortion state.

Keep telling yourself that, and keep pretending the "blue" states follow all of those guidelines, too.

$$$$$ = more important than an SJW checklist.

(It's probably going to be Austin)

I would say that the social and political atmosphere of the city/state ends up being more important than the initial cost of building the headquarters.  It does not matter if it is a red state or blue state, everyone is falling all over each other to pitch a good deal to Amazon.  What IS going to matter is that the headquarters are located in a state where Amazon can recruit and maintain the talent they are looking for.  If they feel that the employees they are looking for subscribe to the "SJW checklist" then they are going to build in an area that reflects those values.

I don't think they are going to go with Austin though and not because of the political ideology of Texas (Austin is solidly blue).  Austin is land-locked, is too far West, and does not have a large enough airport for what they are looking for.  I would put my money on an east-coast metro area like Pittsburgh, Boston, or Atlanta.


Why would the ocean be a factor in where to build a headquarters?
 
2017-10-23 7:58:39 AM  

uber humper: spamdog: Bumfark?

It's Bumfark, isn't it?

They say that's in Alabama.

I've always understood it to be in Egypt

/BFE


It's my understanding that BFE was inspired by Egypt, Georgia. I've been there. The story is plausible.

/don't blink
//don't want to go back
///no room for 3rd slashie in BFE
 
natazha [BareFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-10-23 8:41:57 AM  
Somehow, this reminds me of the time IBM built a new facility near Tucson, AZ; moved around 4000 people there; then closed it down a few years later and didn't offer any relocation assistance to displaced employees. They had the option of early retirement or paying for their move IF they could find another job within IBM.
 
2017-10-23 9:02:26 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: All Amazon would need to do would be to find a full staff of thousands of very intelligent and skilled people who would willingly move to Alabama...

Just kidding... can you imagine?


Worked for Boeing/Redstone.
 
2017-10-23 9:02:42 AM  
Dear Amazon
We like large warrior wimmen.  They can help with the cotton harvest when they aint shippin your  boxes. They could sooper...   souper...   watch over the workers what go in to the field cause they is taller.

Bring us your factory.  We like factories cause then we got something to do indoors.  Don't gotta air condition it since that's just the cold breath of Satan.  Just something to keep the rain and or sun offa.

We checked with the government and they said if you bring us the factory, you won't pay no taxes, they'll give you the land fer free and everyone will be happy with the Republican Minimum Wage.  Plus, all the overseers or managers can speed through the state.  If'n they hit someone with their car, just roll the body in to the ditch and call 912 if'n you feel like reportin' it.

Anyhoos, if you want anything else, please give me a call.  I have a cellular phone so you can call anytime.  Just give me time to get in to the cell, okay?  I'm sure we can work something out cause we really want your jobs.

Signed
Cleatus Sixtoes Johnson
Director of Economic Development and Fried Chicken Regulations
Alabama, A State in the United States (but really the Confederacy)
 
2017-10-23 9:04:08 AM  

Emposter: FTFA: The company's request for proposal asks for bids from sites in metro areas with at least 1 million residents, proximity to an international airport, mass transit, quality higher education, an educated workforce, a business-friendly environment and high quality of life.

Doesn't that eliminate pretty much the entire South?


The only thing that would eliminate the South is the request for mass-transit. Atlanta I guess would fit the bill.
 
2017-10-23 9:06:17 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: All Amazon would need to do would be to find a full staff of thousands of very intelligent and skilled people who would willingly move to Alabama...

Just kidding... can you imagine?


So that's why (FTFA) Google is building a $600 million data center one town up the road in Stevenson. The uninformed sterotyping bigotry is replusive
 
Displayed 50 of 100 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.