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(AP)   Slapping the gay demons unfortunately not a euphemism, possibly a good band name   (hosted.ap.org) divider line
    More: Facepalm, EDT, Associated Press, Press  
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4404 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jun 2017 at 6:27 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



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Walker [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 2:42:54 PM  
That baby should be afraid. This is the same "church" that used to punch babies in the face.
i.dailymail.co.ukView Full Size
 
nekom [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (18)  
2017-06-26 2:53:52 PM  
Can't they just handle venomous snakes like a NORMAL religion?
 
ralphjr [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
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2017-06-26 3:31:05 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
blatz514 [OhFark]  
Smartest (18)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 5:13:09 PM  
For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!
 
foo monkey [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2017-06-26 6:03:10 PM  
"Slapping gay demons" is my safe word.
 
uncleacid [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-06-26 6:14:08 PM  
Sounds like a carnival game. Step right up and slap the gay demon.
 
2017-06-26 6:15:11 PM  
Well slap my ass and call me Samael!
 
Salmon  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2017-06-26 6:31:09 PM  
Ooassaulted him?

Weird.
 
2017-06-26 6:33:49 PM  

blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!


His family forced him to? Even at adult age (especially now) you find parents still have influence over their children if they are unable to leave the nest due to various reasons (usually financial). Then you get the parents giving stipulations to their children, "If you're going to stay in our house, you're going to to church each Sunday with us!" It's not the victim's fault in most cases.
 
dkulprit  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2017-06-26 6:34:07 PM  

blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!


Maybe he was into getting choked David Caradine style?

Also fta:
"Alleges that five members of the Word of Faith Fellowship ooassaulted him"

What
?  Is that like an o-face assault?
 
2017-06-26 6:40:09 PM  
Gay demons? I thought all demons were gay. What's with the qualifier?
 
2017-06-26 6:44:17 PM  
Matthew Fenner, 24, from North Carolina says he attended a church called the Word of Faith Fellowship, where congregants tried to traverse Middle Earth, traverse Middle Earth and beat the 'gay demons' out of him

sounds legit!
 
2017-06-26 6:44:57 PM  
Sorry, got distracted by the Gillian Anderson pics on the sidebar. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

What were we talking about?
 
2017-06-26 6:45:12 PM  

Isitoveryet: Matthew Fenner, 24, from North Carolina says he attended a church called the Word of Faith Fellowship, where congregants tried to traverse Middle Earth, Destroy the ring at Mount Doom and beat the 'gay demons' out of him

sounds legit!


/I tried
 
blender61  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-06-26 6:46:40 PM  

KodosZardoz: Gay demons? I thought all demons were gay. What's with the qualifier?


you have it backwards.  All gays are demons.

Not that any reasonable person believes that.
 
stringbad [BareFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (4)  
2017-06-26 6:47:48 PM  

blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!


He hadn't come yet?

/ sorry
// was in a cult
/// know why he didn't leave
 
drdank [TotalFark]  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (3)  
2017-06-26 6:48:03 PM  
The "Facepalm" tag was deployed to sublime perfection, subby.
 
2017-06-26 6:49:28 PM  
"Get thee behind me, Satan!" may be a poor tactical choice when fighting gay demons.
 
2017-06-26 6:49:52 PM  

blender61: KodosZardoz: Gay demons? I thought all demons were gay. What's with the qualifier?

you have it backwards.  All gays are demons.

Not that any reasonable person believes that.


Funny. I thought it was one of those goes both ways circular logic ideas. Oh wait, that would be bisexual.
 
betawulf  
Smartest (6)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 6:52:37 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!

His family forced him to? Even at adult age (especially now) you find parents still have influence over their children if they are unable to leave the nest due to various reasons (usually financial). Then you get the parents giving stipulations to their children, "If you're going to stay in our house, you're going to to church each Sunday with us!" It's not the victim's fault in most cases.


As someone who had the same stipulations, I quickly realised being homeless was a far safer alternative.
 
2017-06-26 6:54:26 PM  
Some gay demons would pay good money for that...
 
Repo Man  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 6:55:18 PM  

fusillade762: Sorry, got distracted by the Gillian Anderson pics on the sidebar. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

What were we talking about?


The ones of Kim Zolciak (whom I have never before heard of) got me.
 
Repo Man  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (12)  
2017-06-26 6:58:45 PM  
You've gotta feel sorry for Christians who are ashamed of their natural desires.

Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2017-06-26 7:00:45 PM  
The real story is how someone got the last name of Rape.
 
DarkVader  
Smartest (6)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 7:01:11 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!

His family forced him to? Even at adult age (especially now) you find parents still have influence over their children if they are unable to leave the nest due to various reasons (usually financial). Then you get the parents giving stipulations to their children, "If you're going to stay in our house, you're going to to church each Sunday with us!" It's not the victim's fault in most cases.


Yeah, not every family gives up as easily as mine did.  I was 11 or 12 when I said "I'm done, I'm never going to church again."  They threatened a few things, I explained why those wouldn't work, how their god was a complete figment of their imaginations, and how, if they physically forced me to go, I would explain that very loudly to everyone in the church every time the idiot preacher opened his mouth.

Shortly after that they realized sleeping in on Sundays was better anyway.

But some parents can't be reasoned with, some are more violent than mine, and not all kids are ready to go to war over it, even when they become adults.  (And by 11, I knew ways to make sure a car wouldn't start that they couldn't get past, but could be reversed in seconds if you knew what was done.)
 
2017-06-26 7:03:37 PM  
In my youth, I used to mock this guy, slapping my hillbilly homo buddies in the forehead while screaming, "Foul cocksucking demon come out!."
 Good times.

The Ernest Angley Hour (c. 1981 Show Open)
Youtube Mcb2lion5qs
 
2017-06-26 7:10:14 PM  
"church members 'slapped, choked and punched' the 'gay demons' from him"

He should have reached in his pants while yelling "Yes, YES... Harder, HARDER...."
 
Repo Man  
Smartest (6)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 7:16:45 PM  
Most of us laugh at Chick Tracts, but don't forget, millions of people think they are true.

Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2017-06-26 7:17:28 PM  

ReapTheChaos: "church members 'slapped, choked and punched' the 'gay demons' from him"

He should have reached in his pants while yelling "Yes, YES... Harder, HARDER...."


A trouser snake-handling church?


/ I'm in.
 
2017-06-26 7:19:39 PM  

blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!


Most peoples' parents make them.
 
gerbilpox  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 7:20:17 PM  

fusillade762: Sorry, got distracted by the Gillian Anderson pics on the sidebar. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

 Never fancied her, and those are totally fake. But if you'll excuse me, I need to go slap my demon.
 
stonelotus  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-06-26 7:21:12 PM  
doesn't appear to have worked.

i.dailymail.co.ukView Full Size


I thought everyone knew slapping didn't work.  You have to spank those gay demons out.
 
darkeyes  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 7:26:07 PM  
I could see Demon Slap as a heavy metal Christian band name.
 
Repo Man  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 7:27:35 PM  
Demons probably caused sexual reproduction in the first place. If not for them, we would all reproduce by sinless binary fission.
 
2017-06-26 7:29:29 PM  
Pastor: Evil gay demons, I rebuke thee...

Parishioner: Choke me daddy

Pastor: What

Parishioner: What
 
pete1729  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 7:34:51 PM  
Maybe the pastor will go to jail and have some gay demons slapped into him.
 
eyeq360 [TotalFark]  
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2017-06-26 7:38:34 PM  
weknowmemes.comView Full Size

quickmeme.comView Full Size

/Window seat.
 
2017-06-26 7:44:57 PM  

Walker: That baby should be afraid. This is the same "church" that used to punch babies in the face.
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x441]


My caption:

"Braaaaainz....BRRRRRAAAAAAIIINNNZZZZ"
 
2017-06-26 7:47:38 PM  

1nsanilicious: The real story is how someone got the last name of Rape.


The folks at Ellis Island hadn't started changing names to "Canola" yet?
 
morg  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2017-06-26 7:56:38 PM  

Walker: That baby should be afraid. This is the same "church" that used to punch babies in the face.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Mad_Radhu  
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2017-06-26 8:13:30 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2017-06-26 8:24:04 PM  

gerbilpox: fusillade762: Sorry, got distracted by the Gillian Anderson pics on the sidebar. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.
 Never fancied her, and those are totally fake. But if you'll excuse me, I need to go slap my demon.


I WANT TO BELIEVE!!
 
AstroJesus  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 8:39:13 PM  
I don't know about those action band names. I'd rather just call the band The Penis Demons.
 
vrax  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 8:39:40 PM  
Let me get this straight, so to speak.  The congregants at Word of Faith Fellowship church beat-off gay demons?  I mean, I'm not judging, but...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2017-06-26 8:41:33 PM  
Slapping Gay Demons is what my dick calls my balls.

My dick is has strange opinions.

You should see where he likes to hang out. On second thought, no, you shouldn't. Or more likely you can't, because it's dark.

/ I have no idea why that whole thing came out in Captain Beefheart's voice.
 
2017-06-26 8:44:33 PM  

blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!


Family pressure.  Doubt.  Guilt.

Cults are terrible things.
 
stuffy  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 8:51:30 PM  
tse1.mm.bing.netView Full Size

So when does he get the chance to slap away the stupid from the congregation?
 
2017-06-26 9:27:31 PM  
I would think that slapping the gay demons is when you gotta fap but you're bored with straight* porn.

*lesbian counts
 
kobrakai  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-06-26 9:44:31 PM  
Sounds like what those alt-right folks do for initiation.

NTTAWWT
 
orbister  
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2017-06-27 3:37:10 AM  

blatz514: For two years, Matthew Fenner, 24, said he pleaded with authorities to investigate his allegations that a group of fellow congregants at the Word of Faith Fellowship church had punched, slapped and choked him to expel his 'homosexual demons.

Why the hell would you keep going for 2 farking years?!


He pleaded with the authorities for two years. He was not beaten up for two years.
 
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