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(Metro)   So we're fat-shaming squirrels now?   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Scary, London Stansted Airport, three-year-old Finley Renouf, BAA Limited, Busiest airports in the United Kingdom by total passenger traffic, EasyJet, Ryanair, mum Sophie Renouf, Titan Airways  
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7040 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2017 at 12:19 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



64 Comments     (+0 »)
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2017-01-15 10:01:04 AM  
It's a British tabloid, man. There are entire levels of shamelessness that go into crafting those wares that Americans have left undreamt, save by the fevered dreams and desires of our seated Congress...

Which, in retrospect, maybe we should try to flip that and reverse it...
 
2017-01-15 10:33:11 AM  
Protesting the quality of the food, is my guess.
 
2017-01-15 11:19:58 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Kimyo  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (3)  
2017-01-15 11:26:57 AM  
People can be so judgmental. On what planet is this fat?
Fark user imageView Full Size


/I bet one of the mean girls started it.
//Or was it the schmuck she turned down for prom?
///DNRTFA
 
iheartscotch [TotalFark]  
Smartest (10)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 12:01:51 PM  
DON'T. FEED. SQUIRRELS.

/ and, maybe, they won't attack you
 
2017-01-15 12:22:32 PM  
Hey lady, your farking snowflake is feeling the squirrels, don't complain when they climb closer to the food.
 
mikaloyd [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (4)  
2017-01-15 12:25:36 PM  
Unlike fat snowflakes, fat squirrels do not shatter when identified
 
2017-01-15 12:28:05 PM  
squirrelcomedy.comView Full Size
 
idrow  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (7)  
2017-01-15 12:28:22 PM  
A gang of fat squirrels are attacking children and stealing their food.

I'm ok with this.
 
2017-01-15 12:28:27 PM  
Does no one have a BB gun?  Oh, nevermind.
 
genner  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (6)  
2017-01-15 12:29:29 PM  
cdn.meme.amView Full Size
 
upndn  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-01-15 12:29:55 PM  
Fark squirrels and all they stand for. If we killed all the squirrels and put them in a big pile... I'd shoot them again just to be sure.

/double tap
 
2017-01-15 12:31:32 PM  

upndn: Fark squirrels and all they stand for. If we killed all the squirrels and put them in a big pile... I'd shoot them again just to be sure.

/double tap


fark you, squirrels are awesome.
 
2017-01-15 12:33:07 PM  

hubiestubert: It's a British tabloid, man. There are entire levels of shamelessness that go into crafting those wares that Americans have left undreamt, save by the fevered dreams and desires of our seated Congress...

Which, in retrospect, maybe we should try to flip that and reverse it...


imgs.xkcd.comView Full Size


It's thin, but I think I found a way to incorporate XKCD here.

/dctfl
 
2017-01-15 12:33:49 PM  

upndn: Fark squirrels and all they stand for. If we killed all the squirrels and put them in a big pile... I'd shoot them again just to be sure.

/double tap


You'd just leave a power vacuum for the other gangs and cartels.
 
2017-01-15 12:37:25 PM  
Cute though.

Pet squirrel wrestles with stuffed animal
Youtube 8eC1dM_s2js
 
oldcub [OhFark]  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 12:40:32 PM  
Thee Fat Squirrel Pub & Grill in Rio Rancho, which launched in 2008, explains the genesis of its name this way: "The name Fat Squirrel comes from the old Turtle Mountain days.  One of the brewers discovered that a squirrel had  been stealing the grain from the alley and by the dumpster after brews were done.  Gorging on the spent grain, the squirrel quickly became so fat that she had a hard time running around the parking lot and had taken to lying on her belly in the shade under cars.  After the first winter she returned with her babies for the free and easy meals.  In the English pub tradition, we decided to name this restaurant after her and serve a namesake English style IPA that we contract with Turtle Mountain."
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
abhorrent1  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 12:42:37 PM  
There was literally one squirrel there and my son, as you would, fed him as usual
Next thing, six of them came running out of the hedge and then, all of a sudden, all I remember is him screaming.


They don't tell you to not feed wildlife for this reason. They don't do it to ruin someones childhood.
 
uncleacid [OhFark]  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (1)  
2017-01-15 12:44:03 PM  
Rats with furry tails.
 
2017-01-15 12:44:35 PM  
"I looked - and there was blood pouring out of his hand."

Good lord, that is a... vivid image.
 
bobadooey  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 12:46:11 PM  
Yeah I'm sure this totally happened, definitely.
 
2017-01-15 12:49:13 PM  
All fun and games, till they do $1000s in damage
 
2017-01-15 12:50:54 PM  

uncleacid: Rats with furry tails.


Yeah, they are basically tree rats.
 
I_C_Weener [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 12:51:26 PM  
It's about time. Smug little bastards.
 
2017-01-15 1:00:48 PM  
I had to cut a squirrel out of our squirrel-proof birdfeeder once.  The little chunkster got himself stuck in between the wires and couldn't squeeze himself back out of the feeder.
 
Grumpy Cat  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (6)  
2017-01-15 1:01:23 PM  

Unknown_Poltroon: Hey lady, your farking snowflake is feeling the squirrels, don't complain when they climb closer to the food.


You're right. Kids feeling squirrels are just asking for it.
 
Walker [TotalFark]  
Smartest (4)   Funniest (1)  
2017-01-15 1:02:06 PM  
'There was literally one squirrel there and my son, as you would, fed him as usual,' said his mum Sophie Renouf.

No, this is NOT a case of "as you would". Don't feed wild animals. They are wild. They will bite you...and they did.

STOP THIS. You are a horrible parent. Why not encourage your son to stick his arm thru a lion cage next.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2wolves [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (4)  
2017-01-15 1:06:38 PM  

Unknown_Poltroon: fark you, squirrels are awesome.


Rats with better PR.
 
2017-01-15 1:09:20 PM  
You don't have to give them food.

Fark feeds our squirrel with revenue from ads.
 
Koldbern  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2017-01-15 1:10:14 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
TheOther  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 1:12:06 PM  

Walker: 'There was literally one squirrel there and my son, as you would, fed him as usual,' said his mum Sophie Renouf.

No, this is NOT a case of "as you would". Don't feed wild animals. They are wild. They will bite you...and they did.

STOP THIS. You are a horrible parent. Why not encourage your son to stick his arm thru a lion cage next.
[img.fark.net image 850x666]


Next thing you know, Harambe is dead.
 
2017-01-15 1:12:32 PM  
There are 2 things that ignorant people do that I just can't get over.
Litter and feed wild animals.
Please stop!
 
2017-01-15 1:18:14 PM  

BunkyBrewman: I had to cut a squirrel out of our squirrel-proof birdfeeder once.  The little chunkster got himself stuck in between the wires and couldn't squeeze himself back out of the feeder.


At the national zoo they have free range little monkeys that are lose in a wooded path area.  Talking to one of the keepers, I saw a chipmunk just sitting in one of the little food cages and asked why he was in there, she started laughing "they juat can fit through the wires on the bin, but that one ate too much to fit back out again.  We turn them loose when we change the food at dinner time"
 
TheOther  
Smartest (3)   Funniest (1)  
2017-01-15 1:25:18 PM  

uberaverage: There are 2 things that ignorant people do that I just can't get over.
Litter and feed wild animals.
Please stop!


But, it's how species get domesticated. Wolves. Cats. Children.
Who can say that what additional species we might need in the future?
 
eas81  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (6)  
2017-01-15 1:25:43 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
MechaPyx  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2017-01-15 1:50:46 PM  
Squirrels are a-holes.

/csb
I was at a park once with a couple friends and we'd sat down at one of the benches to eat a pizza that we'd brought with us. This squirrel comes up looking for handouts. He was apparently used to getting food from people there. Well we weren't going to give him any. He started getting aggressive so we chased him off. He sat in a nearby tree chittering angrily at us until my friend beaned him upside the head with a piece of pizza crust. Just about knocked him out of tree and shut that little farker up after that.

Chickens are worse. We're at this little farm. Little indie place that charges admission and they have a few slides and a tractor ride and a little petting farm. You can buy little bags of feed to feed the chickens with. Those farkers won't wait for you toss it on the ground. No, those evil little snots will peck your hand to make you drop it. They give zero farks.
 
2017-01-15 2:17:53 PM  

bobadooey: Yeah I'm sure this totally happened, definitely.


I'm not sure where the Metro stands on the fake news -> actual news spectrum, but this is actually a fairly common result of feeding wild animals, and squirrels are one of the more frequent offenders as far as attacking humans.

It's only news because the world's worst parents managed to get their little kid attacked, usually it happens to adults where the worst that can really happen to you is the fact that you'll need a rabies shot and the injuries themselves aren't all that bad.
 
philodough  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (4)  
2017-01-15 2:27:51 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2017-01-15 2:30:29 PM  
Farking tree rats.

My father used to like to sit on the back porch and plink at them with a pellet gun. Then use the carcasses to bait the traps for a delicious blue crab dinner.

North Florida=rednecks on salt water.
 
brantgoose [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2017-01-15 2:45:21 PM  
Coming soon to a Fark headline near you:  the Donald Trump squirrel is dead.

i.ytimg.comView Full Size


Because it really looks like Donald Trump.

Well, maybe not, but it is a fat ginger t**t.
 
brantgoose [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-01-15 2:46:46 PM  
Please do not feed the fat ginger twits.

I cleaned that joke up for you.

 
2017-01-15 2:55:14 PM  

abhorrent1: There was literally one squirrel there and my son, as you would, fed him as usual
Next thing, six of them came running out of the hedge and then, all of a sudden, all I remember is him screaming.

They don't tell you to not feed wildlife for this reason. They don't do it to ruin someones childhood.


When I was 3 or 4 My father took my sister and I to feed the ducks. He handed us each a piece of bread and turned around to put the rest of the bread away. When he turned back, he couldn't find us under the pile of ducks trying to get the bread.

bobadooey: Yeah I'm sure this totally happened, definitely.


Skepticism of stuff you read on the web is good, but doubting something that happens commonly makes you look like an idiot.

MechaPyx:
/csb
I was at a park once with a couple friends and we'd sat down at one of the benches to eat a pizza that we'd brought with us. This squirrel comes up looking for handouts. He was apparently used to getting food from people there. Well we weren't going to give him any. He started getting aggressive so we chased him off. He sat in a nearby tree chittering angrily at us until my friend beaned him upside the head with a piece of pizza crust. Just about knocked him out of tree and shut that little farker up after that.


So the squirrel was rewarded for his bad behavior with a piece of bread half his size. He shut up because your friend gave him what he wanted.
 
drogg  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (2)  
2017-01-15 2:55:27 PM  
But they are tasty tree rats!
 
2017-01-15 3:10:20 PM  
Oh.
My.
God.
Becky, look at her nuts.

/
amused because i'm at a furry con, currently.
 
2017-01-15 3:18:34 PM  

MechaPyx: Squirrels are a-holes.

/csb
I was at a park once with a couple friends and we'd sat down at one of the benches to eat a pizza that we'd brought with us. This squirrel comes up looking for handouts. He was apparently used to getting food from people there. Well we weren't going to give him any. He started getting aggressive so we chased him off. He sat in a nearby tree chittering angrily at us until my friend beaned him upside the head with a piece of pizza crust. Just about knocked him out of tree and shut that little farker up after that.

Chickens are worse. We're at this little farm. Little indie place that charges admission and they have a few slides and a tractor ride and a little petting farm. You can buy little bags of feed to feed the chickens with. Those farkers won't wait for you toss it on the ground. No, those evil little snots will peck your hand to make you drop it. They give zero farks.


You think chickens are bad? Try ganders. Not geese, ganders. There are better guard animals for farms but in a pinch a gander can't be beat, and they are about as angry as Donald Trump. They will beat up squirrels and chickens in half an hour and come for your dog if you piss them off enough.
 
2017-01-15 3:18:49 PM  

MechaPyx: Squirrels are a-holes.

/csb
I was at a park once with a couple friends and we'd sat down at one of the benches to eat a pizza that we'd brought with us. This squirrel comes up looking for handouts. He was apparently used to getting food from people there. Well we weren't going to give him any. He started getting aggressive so we chased him off. He sat in a nearby tree chittering angrily at us until my friend beaned him upside the head with a piece of pizza crust. Just about knocked him out of tree and shut that little farker up after that.

Chickens are worse. We're at this little farm. Little indie place that charges admission and they have a few slides and a tractor ride and a little petting farm. You can buy little bags of feed to feed the chickens with. Those farkers won't wait for you toss it on the ground. No, those evil little snots will peck your hand to make you drop it. They give zero farks.


I was highly entertained by your post. You have excellent story telling skills. Therefore, your newsletter.  I may please subscribe.
 
2017-01-15 4:01:47 PM  
i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
ShiniSenko  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 4:05:07 PM  

MechaPyx: Squirrels are a-holes.

/csb
I was at a park once with a couple friends and we'd sat down at one of the benches to eat a pizza that we'd brought with us. This squirrel comes up looking for handouts. He was apparently used to getting food from people there. Well we weren't going to give him any. He started getting aggressive so we chased him off. He sat in a nearby tree chittering angrily at us until my friend beaned him upside the head with a piece of pizza crust. Just about knocked him out of tree and shut that little farker up after that.

Chickens are worse. We're at this little farm. Little indie place that charges admission and they have a few slides and a tractor ride and a little petting farm. You can buy little bags of feed to feed the chickens with. Those farkers won't wait for you toss it on the ground. No, those evil little snots will peck your hand to make you drop it. They give zero farks.


They are called Micro-Raptors by those that love them for good reason. You should see them kill and fight over a mouse.
 
2017-01-15 4:36:45 PM  

studebaker hoch: You don't have to give them food.

Fark feeds our squirrel with revenue from ads.


Yeah, um... about that...
 
NevynFox  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-01-15 4:36:58 PM  

oldcub: Thee Fat Squirrel Pub & Grill in Rio Rancho, which launched in 2008, explains the genesis of its name this way: "The name Fat Squirrel comes from the old Turtle Mountain days.  One of the brewers discovered that a squirrel had  been stealing the grain from the alley and by the dumpster after brews were done.  Gorging on the spent grain, the squirrel quickly became so fat that she had a hard time running around the parking lot and had taken to lying on her belly in the shade under cars.  After the first winter she returned with her babies for the free and easy meals.  In the English pub tradition, we decided to name this restaurant after her and serve a namesake English style IPA that we contract with Turtle Mountain."
[img.fark.net image 284x314]


As someone who's unfortunately worked in that pathetic excuse of a kitchen, I'd steer clear of that place ;P

/health violations galore
//personally had a mouse run over my foot
///owner is an arrogant douchenozzle
////his GM walked out on him days after I left
 
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