1.
Man-bun Ken thinks having a mother makes him a feminist
2.
Ah, yes, the 3 genders.
3.
white people will believe conspiracy theories about avril lavigne being replaced w a clone but tell u you're being dramatic about racism lol
4.
How did Scooby Snacks even get off the ground? Their business model is making food for one specific dog.
5.
2008: what a historical time to be living in one of the greatest countries in the world! 2017: there are no more bees or medicine
6.
I shower at night. First of all, it saves me time in the morning, and second of all, it’s when Michael Fassbender’s sprinklers come on
7.
Not you, @tedcruz. You're not invited. 😉
8.
"Rose, the keys"
9.
i got u some flowers
10.
I'm sorry, were you close?
11.
im fucking crying the text says "i'm trying to give him positive role models"
12.
Rejected Pixar Movie Titles: House Float Find My Fish Son Automobile People A Rat Cooked This Ugh, We Gotta Find Another Fish
13.
It's so hot a Tennessee Williams play just broke out in my room
14.
The chef reaches over, but it's too late. I have kissed his fingers first
15.
"What a lot of people don't get about OK Computer is..."
16.
Women: no amount of selfies will make you as vain or self-centered as the random dude who thinks you need his opinion on them.
17.
"I am a lovable and worthy panda and deserve happiness and today is gonna be a good day"