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El Salvadoran Players Suspended for Biting USMNT Players

Oh, and nipple twisting Jozy Altidore. There's also that.
Screenshot from Fox Soccer's YouTube

The CONCACAF Gold Cup is a silly place. The biennial North American, Central American, and Caribbean tournament boasts an air of self-importance and intensity that's not always matched by on-field play, or managers' squad selections. Heck, it is only one-half of a battle to get to the Confederations Cup, which—while very fun—is just a dress rehearsal for the World Cup.

But this is international soccer, and games rarely happens, so let's just try to take each game seriously, shall we? That's at least what I told myself on Wednesday—until the biting started.

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On Wednesday night, the U.S. Men's National Team took on El Salvador in the Gold Cup quarter finals, and things got chippy from the outset. The final scoreline—a 2-0 victory for the U.S.—betrayed just how sloppy the play was, how questionable the helicopter refereeing was, and how much shit went down behind the scenes.

But then came the culminating moment, a perfect summary of the what-the-fuck Gold Cup itself:

Yes, there were dudes out there actually twisting nip, and treating humans like food. Not only did El Salvador defender Henry Romero purp Jozy Altidore's nurp and bite him, but El Salvador midfielder Darwin Ceren also decided to chew on someone—in his case, Omar Gonzalez.

After the match, Altidore came at the situation with some good jokes:

"My girl's mad at me," said Altidore. "She's mad at me. She's mad at Romero, 'cause she's like: 'Only I can bite you, only I can grab your nipples.'"

What a good sport.

Anyway, he must've know there'd be divine retribution coming because late last night, Gold Cup officials issued out two sets of suspensions for Romero and Ceren, according to Associated Press. Romero understandably got the stronger slap on the wrist, with a six-game suspension with the national team, and Ceren walked away with a three-game suspension. The disciplinary committee labeled their reasons as "anti-sporting behavior."

Per AP, Altidore said, "Look, it's unfortunate. You don't wish bad on people," Altidore said. "But I'm sure he can tell you, it was a wild play and something I'm sure he's not proud of."

Ceren and Romero's bans will be lifted by the next Gold Cup, so look out for some more sadism to come at the 2019 shit show.