FARK.com: (9810348) In case you are ever pulled over for speeding in Delhi, here are some great excuses

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		In case you are ever pulled over for speeding in Delhi, here are some great excuses (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)		48
		More: PSA, Traffic, social media platforms, Road, Freeway, road safety, bizarre excuses people, Motorway, Graphics Interchange Format

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5415 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2017 at 9:00 PM (6 years ago) | Favorite | share: Copy Link

48 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Nick Nostril

Smartest (7) Funniest (2)

2017-11-20 12:45:54 PM

Couldn't see the speed limit signs due to the air pollution. Sadly, probably not even untrue.

8 inches

Smartest (2) Funniest (4)

2017-11-20 1:41:54 PM

"Sorry Office, I was speeding because I needed to reach a toilet. You see, I have Delhi Belly."

englaja

Smartest (7) Funniest (7)

2017-11-20 9:02:04 PM

8 inches: "Sorry Office, I was speeding because I needed to reach a toilet. You see, I have Delhi Belly."

Not a believable excuse, in India there are streets designated for that

The Yattering

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 9:04:20 PM

What if you get caught scalping low numbers?

LarrySouth

Smartest (0) Funniest (6)

2017-11-20 9:08:13 PM

8 inches: "Sorry Office, I was speeding because I needed to reach a toilet. You see, I have Delhi Belly."

"I am hastening to an August Personage with whom, if conveniently located, I shall endeavour to do the needful."

omegaic

Smartest (7) Funniest (4)

2017-11-20 9:08:15 PM

#1: Officer, I am trying to get out of Delhi.

FrancoFile

Smartest (0) Funniest (2)

2017-11-20 9:08:36 PM

I have a hot date with Aishwarya Rai.

NeoCortex42

Smartest (0) Funniest (2)

2017-11-20 9:09:49 PM

But if you don't get a ticket in Delhi, you'll never get to go to the counter and order your luncheon meats.

FatherDale

Smartest (0) Funniest (8)

2017-11-20 9:09:50 PM

"My wife's going to get pregnant and I want to be there"

Eravior

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 9:11:11 PM

I'd never be able to talk my way out of a speeding ticket in Delhi. They'd notice right away I was full of bologna.

serfdood

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:12:40 PM

Do any of them work?

/dnrtfa

Eravior

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:12:51 PM

NeoCortex42: But if you don't get a ticket in Delhi, you'll never get to go to the counter and order your luncheon meats.

God damn it.

I see I'm not the only one full of ham tonight.

Bitmongler Redux

Smartest (1) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:14:32 PM

englaja: 8 inches: "Sorry Office, I was speeding because I needed to reach a toilet. You see, I have Delhi Belly."

Not a believable excuse, in India ~~there are~~ streets, gutters, footpaths, etc. are ~~designated~~ for that

FTFY

maxheck

Smartest (1) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:19:48 PM

They could always do what they do in (Cambodia or Laos, I forget which...)

Incredibly graphic billboards at intersections where accidents had happened showing pictures from accidents. As in... A little girl with her head pulped under a bus' wheels and things like that, in full color.

I'm sure there was a written message on the billboards as well, but the images were the memorable part.
<shudder>

Sure, cute campaigns might go viral and reach more people, but if you want to REALLY bring it home...

bughunter

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 9:20:26 PM

"Sorry, Officer. I was taking the Poo to the Loo."

WelldeadLink

Smartest (1) Funniest (2)

2017-11-20 9:26:10 PM

FrancoFile: I have a hot date with Aishwarya Rai.

I'm pretty sure that's Taylor Swift.

meatofmystery

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:30:44 PM

you can speed in Delhi?

rebelyell2006

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:32:56 PM

Bitmongler Redux: englaja: 8 inches: "Sorry Office, I was speeding because I needed to reach a toilet. You see, I have Delhi Belly."

Not a believable excuse, in India there are streets, gutters, footpaths, etc. are designated for that
FTFY

And beaches (not safe for lunch)

maxheck

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 9:35:45 PM

"I was on the way to do the needful with utmost expediency!"

Mock26

Smartest (5) Funniest (4)

2017-11-20 9:36:00 PM

I was once pulled over for speeding, back in rural New York State. Cop walks up to the car and notices the barrel of a sticking out from under a towel in the back seat. Asks about it, so I tell him it is a 50-caliber muzzleloader (Hawken, for those interested) and that I was on my way to a friend's place to get it in some practice shots for deer season. Cop says he has never fired one before so I offer to teach him how to shoot it. He called in his lunch break and followed me a few miles down the road to my friend's place. I talked the officer through three or four shots, he thanks me, warns me against speeding, and was on his way. Nice way to get out of a speeding ticket.

maxheck

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:40:59 PM

meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

Mock26

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 9:46:45 PM

maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

Just strap a cow to the hood of your car and everyone will get out of your way and you can speed all you want.

meatofmystery

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 9:52:56 PM

maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

All I know is....I ain't goin

Ambulance Stuck in East Delhi Traffic Jam

rebelyell2006

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 10:09:16 PM

meatofmystery: maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

All I know is....I ain't goin

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/UyJRjHQTLXs]

That person probably died.

wildcardjack

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 10:15:28 PM

maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

Or a plow truck.

SkittleBrau

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 10:43:59 PM

All the people in Delhi Township (west of Cincinnati), commonly referred to simply as Delhi, are getting a kick out of this.They don't condone speeding and CERTAINLY don't condone overspeeding. Or is overspeeding like two negatives in a sentence that cancel each other out such that there is no speeding at all?

Siskabush

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 11:14:01 PM

FrancoFile: I have a hot date with Aishwarya Rai.

I used that "I have a hot date" excuse during my first traffic stop. I was going 150 kph in a 70 zone. Co assured me why I was going so fast and added if I was late for a hot date. I said "well actually, yes I am". That wasn't going to fly since it was 5am. To make things worse I didn't have my license or registration (was driving my mom's boyfriends car because he broke his leg). Ironically thanks to the circumstances I was free to go, cop thought the car was stolen, if I had my papers I would have had them revoked.

</cab>

Siskabush

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 11:16:18 PM

Siskabush: FrancoFile: I have a hot date with Aishwarya Rai.

I used that "I have a hot date" excuse during my first traffic stop. I was going 150 kph in a 70 zone. Co assured me why I was going so fast and added if I was late for a hot date. I said "well actually, yes I am". That wasn't going to fly since it was 5am. To make things worse I didn't have my license or registration (was driving my mom's boyfriends car because he broke his leg). Ironically thanks to the circumstances I was free to go, cop thought the car was stolen, if I had my papers I would have had them revoked.

</cab>

Stupid autophonetic

BretMavrik

Smartest (1) Funniest (2)

2017-11-20 11:24:44 PM

Fake news. There is no way to speed in Delhi. There are only brief 50-meter dashes in between logjams.

In the animated videos, people will be shown violating traffic laws like over speeding, driving without seat belt, talking on the phone while driving.

Crossing three "lanes" of traffic while carrying 180kg of gear stacked on the handlebars of a 60-year-old bicycle with one bent rim and no brakes is still OK.

Habeas Porpoise

Smartest (1) Funniest (1)

2017-11-20 11:27:29 PM

Mock26: I was once pulled over for speeding, back in rural New York State. Cop walks up to the car and notices the barrel of a sticking out from under a towel in the back seat. Asks about it, so I tell him it is a 50-caliber muzzleloader (Hawken, for those interested) and that I was on my way to a friend's place to get it in some practice shots for deer season. Cop says he has never fired one before so I offer to teach him how to shoot it. He called in his lunch break and followed me a few miles down the road to my friend's place. I talked the officer through three or four shots, he thanks me, warns me against speeding, and was on his way. Nice way to get out of a speeding ticket.

You sound white

Qatmandu

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-20 11:29:43 PM

My mom was born and raised on a cotton plantation in Delhi, LA. You'll never get out of a ticket claiming you were late to go cotton pickin'.

^ not my mom

lack of warmth

Smartest (0) Funniest (5)

2017-11-20 11:48:14 PM

"My wife left me for a cop, I thought you were trying to return her."

meatofmystery

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 12:24:00 AM

rebelyell2006: meatofmystery: maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

All I know is....I ain't goin

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/UyJRjHQTLXs]

That person probably died.

there are stats on how many die and even give birth stuck in India traffic. Co-workers have told me about how bad it is over there.

ukexpat

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 12:48:12 AM

Mock26: maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

Just strap a cow to the hood of your car and everyone will get out of your way and you can speed all you want.

And then they'll beat the shiat out of you.

MythDragon

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2017-11-21 1:20:39 AM

"I thought I was being targeted by a sniper, but I just realized I am Hindu, and why I had a dot on my forehead."

CoysOdie

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 1:48:53 AM

maxheck: They could always do what they do in (Cambodia or Laos, I forget which...)

Incredibly graphic billboards at intersections where accidents had happened showing pictures from accidents. As in... A little girl with her head pulped under a bus' wheels and things like that, in full color.

I'm sure there was a written message on the billboards as well, but the images were the memorable part.
<shudder>

Sure, cute campaigns might go viral and reach more people, but if you want to REALLY bring it home...

"The billboards made me hungry. Tryin' to get to Micky D's before they close."

maxheck

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 2:23:16 AM

CoysOdie: maxheck: They could always do what they do in (Cambodia or Laos, I forget which...)

Incredibly graphic billboards at intersections where accidents had happened showing pictures from accidents. As in... A little girl with her head pulped under a bus' wheels and things like that, in full color.

I'm sure there was a written message on the billboards as well, but the images were the memorable part.
<shudder>

Sure, cute campaigns might go viral and reach more people, but if you want to REALLY bring it home...

"The billboards made me hungry. Tryin' to get to Micky D's before they close."

Trust me. You'd not have been so flippant.

m57lyra

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 2:33:44 AM

I worked in Delhi for 6 weeks. There is no farking way you can speed through that constant snarl.

/5 Low-speed accidents in 6 week
/not me, my driver

Lifeless

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 2:37:03 AM

Who needs excuses when you've got bribes?

Prank Call of Cthulhu

Smartest (0) Funniest (4)

2017-11-21 6:57:33 AM

"I have hot date, officer, with girl who show me bobs and vagene."

Resident Muslim

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 7:23:53 AM

Lifeless: Who needs excuses when you've got bribes?

This.
"Sir. Why were you speeding?"
"I had this sudden urge to find a person deserving of these 100 rupees and was looking frantically!"
"Today is your lucky day"

/Pakistan seems to be even worse in terms of bribes

kb7rky

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 9:04:15 AM

"I'm not using the seatbelt because I'm not comfortable with it."

Yeah, well, flying through the windshield can be a tad uncomfortable, too.

So is being crushed by your vehicle as it rolls over you.

MerelyFoolish

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 9:08:52 AM

Qatmandu: My mom was born and raised on a cotton plantation in Delhi, LA. You'll never get out of a ticket claiming you were late to go cotton pickin'.

[img.fark.net image 850x605]

^ not my mom

Is that the exit on I-20 with the gas station that has the tiger in the cage?

MerelyFoolish

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 9:18:01 AM

m57lyra: I worked in Delhi for 6 weeks. There is no farking way you can speed through that constant snarl.

/5 Low-speed accidents in 6 week
/not me, my driver

I stayed near the American Embassy in New Delhi and worked in Noida. Morning commutes on the new raised highways were either traffic jams or everyone driving as fast as their cars, trucks, scooters, motorbikes, tuk-tuks, donkeys, buffaloes, camels, and elephants would run.

I asked my driver about tickets and he said he would drive fast if I would pay the $5 bribes to avoid citations. He drove almost dangerously fast, but nowhere near the speeds of the motorbikes.

cwheelie

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 10:13:28 AM

I was baitin' Bollywood style

Captain Horatio Mindblower

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 2:42:11 PM

SkittleBrau: All the people in Delhi Township (west of Cincinnati), commonly referred to simply as Delhi, are getting a kick out of this.They don't condone speeding and CERTAINLY don't condone overspeeding. Or is overspeeding like two negatives in a sentence that cancel each other out such that there is no speeding at all?

It's like speeding, but worse. But you wouldn't want that goldfish to die, would you? You monster?

Mock26

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 7:48:38 PM

maxheck: Mock26: maxheck: meatofmystery: you can speed in Delhi?

You can in a tuk-tuk or on a motorbike.

Just strap a cow to the hood of your car and everyone will get out of your way and you can speed all you want.

CoysOdie: maxheck: They could always do what they do in (Cambodia or Laos, I forget which...)

Incredibly graphic billboards at intersections where accidents had happened showing pictures from accidents. As in... A little girl with her head pulped under a bus' wheels and things like that, in full color.

I'm sure there was a written message on the billboards as well, but the images were the memorable part.
<shudder>

Sure, cute campaigns might go viral and reach more people, but if you want to REALLY bring it home...

"The billboards made me hungry. Tryin' to get to Micky D's before they close."

Trust me. You'd not have been so flippant.

And you do not have to be so damned uptight. Trust me.

CoysOdie

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2017-11-21 8:11:55 PM

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