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(Daily Mail)   "A former police officer has been accused of killing homeless people and attempting to resurrect them as zombies in a Russian forest"   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Weird, EST, Year of birth missing, Naomi, Mailonline  
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7657 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2017 at 11:50 AM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



57 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2017-02-20 10:07:08 AM  
At first I was trying to figure out why this was news even for fark, then I read the other half of the head line.
 
2017-02-20 11:52:35 AM  
I would be a peaceful zombie. Until I figured out I was stuck in a Russian forest.
 
2017-02-20 11:54:28 AM  
FTA:  All his attempts were futile...

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
zulius  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 11:56:00 AM  
Maybe he heard about the Indian burial ground...
 
FuLinHyu [recently expired TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 11:57:21 AM  
So these four, plus two businessmen and dealing in firearms and struck a deal to serve no more than 12 years? Wow!
 
2017-02-20 12:01:07 PM  

Almost-ready: I would be a peaceful zombie. Until I figured out I was stuck in a Russian forest.


it would obviously be a peace officer zombie they just don't have enough money to hire more staff so in putin russia bootstraps are you.
 
2017-02-20 12:02:32 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: FTA:  All his attempts were futile...

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 212x238]


The Daily Mail Song
Youtube 5eBT6OSr1TI
 
semiotix  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (5)  
2017-02-20 12:02:35 PM  
The former officer is also facing charges for two contact killings carried out on businessmen in 2002 and 2010 and for the illegal circulation of firearms.

Looks like he ran afoul of Russia's strict three-strikes policy. Murder one guy, no biggie. Murder two guys, watch your step. Murder three guys, we are ABSOLUTELY going to arrest you.
 
2017-02-20 12:05:36 PM  
Sounds like a C.J. Cherryh book.
 
2017-02-20 12:07:21 PM  
Arsen Bairambekov allegedly lured the vagrants with free alcohol


Well, if you're gonna try to lure some bums out into the woods, that IS how you do it.
 
2017-02-20 12:07:22 PM  
i735.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2017-02-20 12:09:22 PM  
Was anyone else expecting a Florida connection in there somewhere.
 
StopDaddy  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 12:10:01 PM  
Ohhhh, this has SyFy movie of the week written all over it. I would totally watch that.
 
2017-02-20 12:11:29 PM  
Same thing happened to a local cop here last year. Weird.
 
2017-02-20 12:11:55 PM  
Come on, who hasn't wanted to do something like this?
 
SmackLT [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 12:16:36 PM  
What. The. Reanimating. F*ck.
 
Dimensio  
Smartest (2)   Funniest (6)  
2017-02-20 12:19:56 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: FTA:  All his attempts were futile...

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 212x238]


Difficulty: Daily Fail. This means either that his efforts were successful or that Russia does not actually exist.
 
Gergesa  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 12:21:28 PM  
Necromancy is for pussies.  Real men practice pyromancy.
 
2017-02-20 12:22:21 PM  
Satanists don't want me for a zombie. Zombies are never made like me.

/happy birthday, Kurt
 
Saiga410  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 12:23:18 PM  
Aww comeon.  Who hasnt tried to do this?
 
ltdanman44 [BareFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 12:24:11 PM  
this happened at our last tabletop.  We caught an apprentice wizard spending time at the graveyard attempting to animate the corpses there.  He was banned from the academy.
 
bikerbob59  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 12:28:11 PM  
Was he successful?

/DNRTFA
 
2017-02-20 12:33:28 PM  
Anyone seen Dahmer's Love Zombie around here on Fark lately?
 
Bslim  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 12:34:03 PM  
homevideos.comView Full Size
 
2017-02-20 12:35:26 PM  

A Screaming Man with Two-Toned Shoes: [i735.photobucket.com image 260x253]


tl;dr. Apparently this is frowned upon . . .
 
2017-02-20 12:36:45 PM  

Nick Nostril: Same thing happened to a local cop here last year. Weird.


Like, someone tried to turn a local cop into a zombie, or a local cop tried to make zombies? Where the hell do you live?
 
talkertopc  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 12:39:32 PM  
It's the Daily Mail so I now doubt that zombies are real.
 
2017-02-20 12:40:40 PM  
He tried to bring the dead back to life then turn them into zombies. However, all his attempts were futile.

Talk about burying the lede
 
2017-02-20 12:43:46 PM  

Gergesa: Necromancy is for pussies.  Real men practice pyromancy.


Pfft.  Chronomancy is where it's at.
 
fjnorton [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 12:49:47 PM  
At least he tried, what have accomplished today?
 
2017-02-20 12:58:43 PM  

FuLinHyu: So these four, plus two businessmen and dealing in firearms and struck a deal to serve no more than 12 years? Wow!


He struck a deal with the police?
 
Nurglitch  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 1:03:16 PM  

DOCTORD000M: Gergesa: Necromancy is for pussies.  Real men practice pyromancy.

Pfft.  Chronomancy is where it's at.


Since when? Daemonology for the win!

/Get thee behind me, Slaanesh
 
Keeve  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (2)  
2017-02-20 1:04:56 PM  

bikerbob59: Was he successful?

/DNRTFA


FTA: Investigators told The Times: 'He tried to bring the dead back to life then turn them into zombies. However, all his attempts were futile.'

I can guess how this ends. The ex-cop goes to prison, the investigators joke about how crazy he was while sitting in their office sipping coffee, and somewhere deep in the Russian forests the silence is broken by the snap of a twig and a low moan.
 
dascott  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 1:10:47 PM  
All my subjects were willing. They signed a paper and everything.
 
Al!  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 1:13:55 PM  

DOCTORD000M: Gergesa: Necromancy is for pussies.  Real men practice pyromancy.

Pfft.  Chronomancy is where it's at.


This post would be credible if your timestamp didn't out you as a charlatan!
 
2017-02-20 1:19:53 PM  

FuLinHyu: So these four, plus two businessmen and dealing in firearms and struck a deal to serve no more than 12 years? Wow!


Thats a double life sentence in Russian prisons.
 
Mock26  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 1:30:20 PM  
What a waste of perfectly good meat.  We should be killing homeless people, processing them, and shipping the meat off to places where the people are starving.  It solves two problems at once. 

(Concept borrowed from Billy Connelly.)
 
2017-02-20 1:32:53 PM  

Nurglitch: DOCTORD000M: Gergesa: Necromancy is for pussies.  Real men practice pyromancy.

Pfft.  Chronomancy is where it's at.

Since when? Daemonology for the win!

/Get thee behind me, Slaanesh


You're all so behind the times. These days it's cromniomancy or nothing.
 
bigdog1960  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 1:35:29 PM  

fjnorton: At least he tried, what have accomplished today?


Me not accomplished
 
2017-02-20 1:46:02 PM  
FTA: Arsen Bairambekov allegedly lured the vagrants with free alcohol to a makeshift altar and bonfire in woodlands in Verkhnyaya Pyshma at night-time.

He sacrificed his victims then attempted to turn them into 'zombies' a Russian court heard.


Geez, it's my senior prom all over again. :-(
 
uncoveror  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 2:00:01 PM  
Edo tensei no jutsu.
 
cretinbob [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (2)  
2017-02-20 2:13:56 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2017-02-20 2:16:07 PM  
THIS is why Flynn was fired.  He was sharing our zombie secrets with Russia.

MAINTAIN THE ZOMBIE-SLAVE GAP AT ALL COSTS!
 
2chris2  
Smartest (1)   Funniest (2)  
2017-02-20 2:34:31 PM  
What shoddy journalism.  We need details.  Why were his attempts to raise the dead as zombies futile?  What did he do wrong?  Incorrect application of the zombification process?  Prayers to the wrong demon? We need to know.
 
Guadior42  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 2:56:18 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: Too Pretty For Prison: FTA:  All his attempts were futile...

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 212x238]

[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/5eBT6OSr1TI - 480x360]


No. This:
https://youtu.be/DnjbHWMSjhE

NSFW, because it's Amanda farking Palmer
/map of tasmania
 
2017-02-20 3:06:26 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: FTA:  All his attempts were futile...

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 212x238]


Well, we know that now. This is how science advances.
 
2017-02-20 3:26:24 PM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2wolves [TotalFark]  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (0)  
2017-02-20 3:31:26 PM  

Frankenstein's Army - Red Band Trailer
Youtube y328iSKZ47A

Nothing new...

 
2017-02-20 7:23:03 PM  

I Ate Shergar: Nurglitch: DOCTORD000M: Gergesa: Necromancy is for pussies.  Real men practice pyromancy.

Pfft.  Chronomancy is where it's at.

Since when? Daemonology for the win!

/Get thee behind me, Slaanesh

You're all so behind the times. These days it's cromniomancy or nothing.


All of you are wrong, Evocation is where it's at.
 
GoldDude  
Smartest (0)   Funniest (1)  
2017-02-20 7:41:56 PM  
Vagrants?  Well, there's your problem!  Lazy, unmotivated bums won't even wake up from the dead.
 
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