My spring break is a couple months away and my friends want to go together. We just did a ski weekend and I planned the whole entire thing, where we got rentals, where we stayed, picking up groceries, splitting costs at the end, everything. It's becoming clear that they think I'm going to plan all of this trip at well. They're each asking me what hotel we should say at, what flights are cheapest, where we can rent RVs one day. One of my friends asked me how to check if he has miles! I don't get that if they've thought of it, why don't they do it? I'm also the busiest one of us and have a lot of work with a part-time job too. Do I have to be the trip planner every time?
It's not surprising to me that you're the group's organizer and you're also the busiest. People who get stuff done are asked to get more stuff done. It's a confusing social pattern and I have sympathy for you, the competent and burdened leader. You probably did too-good of a job on this ski trip. Why wouldn't your friends want that again? It's flattering, while frustrating.
It might not be that your friends want to put all the responsibility on you. They probably just know you're best at it. To cut right to it, you're probably the Type A one among a pile of gentleman Bs. That can be a gift and a burden. Type A is not only a personality, it's also a blood type (you can be positive or negative) and a type of flu virus (efficient, but detrimental) and the best grade in the letter grading system (perfect). and it's a type of light bulb (classic, general-purpose, standard). Of course your friends want to you be the guiding light of their trip. You work well everywhere.
The rest of us can be a little useless at trip planning. I’m always about to go to the wrong airport. I just took a group trip to Cuba, where I definitely did the least and I kinda messed up the thing that I said that I would do. (I said I was bringing the Lonely Planet guide, but then when I got on the plane, I realized it was just a glossy navy blue paperwork about Cuban history, which was engrossing and contained no information about restaurants, but if you would like a succinct summary about the economic factors at play in pre-1959 Cuba, I'm your girl.)
Most of the time in groups, I find there are too many cooks and they're getting in each other's way and confusing everything OR there are no cooks and everyone's sitting on kitchen stools waiting to see if they can taste-test the sauce or snack on the cookie dough, and then they realize no one is cooking and they have to order a pizza.
You're the cook, because you've cooked before. If you want to change your role, you're going to have to train a new cook. Because you're already the master chef, you can arrange your group into a well-run kitchen, where everyone has a role. I looked it up for you, it's called a BRIGADE DE CUISINE. That's fun, because it's both militaristic and ridiculous.
First, you need to locate the SOUS-CHEF. That's your second-in-command, so your most competent friend. Give them a big responsibility immediately, like “Hey, will you send out the first group email, I'm busy at work tonight." Next, locate the STATION CHEF or the line-cook. They're going to be good at some busy-work stuff, like booking the rafting trip or whatever you're doing.
My favorite extra person is the SAUCIER, which is traditionally in charge of sauces, but also sounds like they're probably very spontaneous and cheeky. A POTAGER makes the soups and a LEGUMER does vegetables. Give them one-off specific assignments. You can hold everyone accountable by putting their names next to the assignments in a group email. If someone's like, "Hey, what airline should we all take?" you can be like, "the POTAGER [fill in your friends name] knows."
If you’re the master chef and no one else is in the kitchen, people are going to assume that you're responsible for everything. If you don't dole out space for them in the kitchen, your friends are just going to do their own thing. And they're going to turn to you for everything, like asking you what the exchange rate is and also if you know difference between mojitos and caipirinhas. If you're getting bogged down in the planning, just do whatever the SAUCIER is doing, they know how to have fun, trust.
Are you skeptical about whether you have to do something? Send your leading questions to maggie_lange@gq.com. It’s a weekly thing!
